I posted that as a preliminary to a letter that went out from one of the ref supervisors in Atlanta. here is his letter.
Dear Atlanta Hockey Friends and Family:
Here are some events that have happened over the past year or two in Atlanta.
#1. A minor penalty in a peewee game is called. Assistant coach starts
yelling, he gets a bench minor, he slams the door and gets a game misconduct.
The head coach then starts yelling and flings clip board at the referee. He gets
a games misconduct, as he is leaving the bench, he throws the puck bag, sticks
and water bottles on the ice. What are we teaching the players? That if we don’t
like a call, it is okay to freak out?
#2. A coach, who should have been serving a suspension previously earned,
knowingly coached a game on Saturday afternoon. He then receives another game
misconduct. Instead of serving his second suspension, he knowingly returns to
the bench Saturday night, at which point he is informed by the on ice officials
that he needs to leave the bench. After a few seconds the coach leaves the
bench, but berates the officials who worked his earlier games.
#3. It is a rarity for a game to be played without one of these comments
being hurled at the referees: “Hey ref you suck, you missed that call.” “You
missed that off sides.” “You are terrible, you should quit.” “I will be waiting
for you in the parking lot."
#4. A youth player is issued a game misconduct in a high school game. After
the player leaves the ice, several minutes later he returns to watch the
remainder of the game with his father. As the referee is skating by, the referee
notices the father and son, standing side by side both giving the referee the
finger.
#5. A squirt house game ends and the officials in the game were 13 or 14
years old. Parents waited at the exit of the ice to yell at the officials.
#6. In a squirt game an older official fells to the ice. The parents in the
stands made it a point to repeatedly joke, yell, and laughing at the official.
#7. A midget player receives a minor penalty. On the way to the box a lady in
the stands yells to the player, “Sit down and shut up.” The player turns and
yells, “Shut the F-up.” The referee, gives the player a 10 minute misconduct and
tells the lady to leave. The player responds, “But that's my mom”.
#8. In a bantam travel game, the player delivers a check from behind. As the
checked players falls to the ice the player who delivered the check proceeds to
kick the already hurt player.
#9. A college player is in his last ever college game. As play moves up the
ice, the attacking player, unprovoked, jumps an opposing player from behind. He
then pulls off the player’s helmet, by the face mask, and starts punching him.
So here are my thoughts…… most of this falls under the 80/20 rule. 80 percent
of the hockey community is friendly, helpful, and a pleasure to be around. My
belief is that the other 20 percent is killing the game.
Coaches, 80 percent of you are fantastic to work with. 80 percent are there
to work with the kids and develop them as responsible, respectful young men and
women. To the other 20 percent, when did this behavior become acceptable? When
did verbally abusing minors become acceptable? When did throwing things on the
ice or just freaking out become part of coaching?
You are the leader and backbone of every team. You control the mood and
atmosphere of every team meeting, practice, and game for the whole season.
Whether squirts, midgets or college, your players look to you for direction. You
are there to teach them the game of hockey, but also to teach them life lessons.
Whether you know it or not, you teach them how to win and how to lose. Life is
not fair, it is the coaches responsibility to teach the players how to deal with
that in a respectful manner.
Parents, 80 percent of you are friendly and supportive. 80 percent of you are
the kind of parents we all want to be. To the other 20 percent, it is never
acceptable to yell and swear at the officials from the bleachers. It is never
acceptable to wait at the door for the officials, adults or children, after a
game to yell at them about a call. In the end, hockey is just a game. It is
important to remember that the people playing, officating and coaching the game,
are more important than the game itself.
Players, 80 percent of you are great young adults. You are a pleasure to know
and to be around, and it is an honor to referee your games. Don’t let the 20
percent ruin your enjoyment of hockey. To the 20 percent, skating around and
acting like a thug is not a part of hockey. Trying to punish a player because
you think you’re a tough guy is not a part of hockey. When did respecting your
opponent leave our game? Yelling and swearing at the officials and other players
is not a part of hockey.
I write this from the view of a referee. Please understand, we are not
perfect and we know it. We try to be fair, patient, and tolerant, but we still
make mistakes. I have a few suggestions that, if adopted by all players,
coaches, parents, and referees, would help our current situation.
#1. Abuse is not a part of hockey. Players and coaches should not yell at
referees. Referees should not yell at players and coaches.
#2. We are not allowed to swear at you. You are not allowed to swear at us.
#3. A coach, parent, or players should not yell, complain, or throw things
over a penalty or non-penalty call.
#4. A player is not allowed to punish, abuse, or belittle another player.
#5. Hockey is all about respecting your opponent and all the people involved
in the game.
So hockey friends and family, the Christmas break is right around the corner.
I am committing our officials to work hard in every game. Our officials will do
everything possible to keep your sons and daughters as safe as possible. Our
officials will not be abusive to any coaches, players, or parents. If you feel
that any official is not aligning with the values addressed above, please let me
know.
For this to work, we request the same from you. You are not going to like
every call, or non-call. You are not going to like the outcome of every game. At
times you are going to feel like you got the short end of the stick. Even when
these things happen, it is fair to agree that yelling, swearing or abusing the
officials is neither an option,nor does it change the outcome.
I have one parting thought. The golden rule says, “Do unto others what you
would have them do unto you.” I am making the commitment to respect you, the
same way I want to be respected.
Do we have a deal?
Enough is enough.
(still upset about Notre Dame games)
Reminds me of the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull…lipstick.