If you need to be told you will never be a healthy scratch to make a decision to go to a school then you've probably been over-coddled by mom and dad.
The reality is you need to earn it every single day whether you are #1 or #25 on a roster. If you're an athlete and a competitor you should be okay with that. The other reality is that not every single kid can be #1, especially from the day they step on campus. The fact is 95% of kids who go thru the recruiting process are not irreplaceable, especially if they don't have the right attitude or work ethic. Even those who are irreplaceable should still be held to high standards in regards to academics, social responsibility, and if need be, effort. If a coach is scared to send a message to anyone in the right situation, I think that is a problem.
There are certainly some kids that can go into the process with that kind of sense of entitlement and still come out okay...but if a lot of kids go through it with that attitude they are going to either end up crossing every school that has shown any interest in them off their list, or end up at a school and find out theyve been lied to.