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Creative Personalized Insults

F

FreshFish

New member
It seems our society has lost the capacity for a good zinger directed only at its one intended target. Too much of what passes for "insults" these days are merely slurs that can apply to a wide range of people.

There are some famous stories about good insults that applied only to the one person at whom they were directed.

For example, there is a story about George Bernard Shaw, seated at dinner next to a young woman. He asks her if she would have sex with him for 100,000 pounds (something like $5 million in today's dollars at that period's exchange rate). She blushes, flutters her lashes, and coquettishly replies, "Oh, Mr. Shaw....."

He then asks her if she would have sex with him for tuppence. She indignantly replies "what kind of a woman do you think I am!"

His imperturbable answer: "We've already established that....now we are merely negotiating price." ;)
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

FreshFish said:
It seems our society has lost the capacity for a good zinger directed only at its one intended target. Too much of what passes for "insults" these days are merely slurs that can apply to a wide range of people.

There are some famous stories about good insults that applied only to the one person at whom they were directed.

For example, there is a story about George Bernard Shaw, seated at dinner next to a young woman. He asks her if she would have sex with him for 100,000 pounds (something like $5 million in today's dollars at that period's exchange rate). She blushes, flutters her lashes, and coquettishly replies, "Oh, Mr. Shaw....."

He then asks her if she would have sex with him for tuppence. She indignantly replies "what kind of a woman do you think I am!"

His imperturbable answer: "We've already established that....now we are merely negotiating price." ;)
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That's an awesome story that I certainly haven't already heard dozens of times.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

jmh said:
That's an awesome story that I certainly haven't already heard dozens of times.
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Here's another one:

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

LynahFan said:
Here's another one:

Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.
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Bessie Babcock: "Sir, you're drunk"
Churchill: "Madam, you're ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober"

George Bernard Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.
Churchill: Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second, if there is one.

The Earl of Sandwich: You, Mr. Wilkes, will die either of the pox or on the gallows.
John Wilkes: That depends, my lord, whether I embrace your mistress or your principles.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Churchill was the master of the putdown. :D

"I wish Stanley Baldwin no ill, but it would have been much better if he had never lived."

"He (Baldwin) occasionally stumbled over the truth, but hastily picked himself up and hurried on as if nothing had happened"
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Stephen Douglas: You, sir, are two-faced.
Abraham Lincoln: I leave it to my audience. If I had another face, do you think I would wear this one?
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Dorothy Parker and Clare Boothe Luce bumped while trying to pass through a doorway at the same time.

"Age before beauty," said Luce, yielding the way.

"Pearls before swine," retorted Parker, going through.

- - -

Parker again, upon learning that Coolidge had died, reportedly remarked, "How can they tell?"
 
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Re: Creative Personalized Insults

It's kind of funny, the idea for this thread came to me from Brenthoven's complaint about the PC police. I was thinking, there is something they just don't get: "sticks and stones and fists and ax handles hurt way more than a word," when I realized that, even so, why would one want to hurt innocent bystanders at all? We no longer conduct duels with guns and knives (one hopes!), because we learn to channel our aggression into avenues that allow us to live together.

I still think the PC police are both naive and hypocritical to a certain extent, because on one hand they want to deny all aggression entirely while on the other hand they are so d&^#@mned passive aggressive themselves. hence the idea (which many people on this site are quite good at, btw!) of person-specific situation-specific insult to replace the broad-brush smear (even if a person is behaving in a "retarded manner" we still don't want to call her the R-word* because lots of people other than the original person are inadvertantly hurt by the verbal shrapnel of such an unimaginative insult).

Ronald Reagan, for example, when he says he won't hold his opponent's youth against him, gives a backhanded slap at everyone who said Reagan was too old. People liked that he could insult someone so subtly with such cheerful good humor about it.

Romney, quite lamely, saying "Obama seems like a nice enough guy, he's just in over his head" tries to do the same thing, the genial way to say he's incompetent although well-intentioned. These are all ways of elevating aggression into pleasantness while still getting the point across.

Or just by calling Sanctorum, Sanctorum. Not sure who did that first, that was clever whomever you are!




* at one time we could call such a person a "blonde" and it it interesting to note that this is no longer funny nor insulting either, it just kind of faded away on its own. Similarly, if you call someone a "cuckold" these days you are probably much more likely to get a blank stare than a red face.
 
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Re: Creative Personalized Insults

We don't have enough good old fashioned duals anymore. Maybe something to consider for the tailgate tomorrow. I challenge Brenthoven!
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

FreshFish said:
It's kind of funny, the idea for this thread came to me from Brenthoven's complaint about the PC police.
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Please, there are a million other places for that tired soap box. We all know how you feel.
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

One of my prouder moments came from an exchange I had with a friend of mine that is 5' 7". I made fun of him for not being able to reach something at a grocery store.

His response was, "Dude, you have like five or six inches on me."

I replied, "I think it has more to do with my being taller than you."
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

state of hockey said:
One of my prouder moments came from an exchange I had with a friend of mine that is 5' 7". I made fun of him for not being able to reach something at a grocery store.

His response was, "Dude, you have like five or six inches on me."

I replied, "I think it has more to do with my being taller than you."
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Nice. Two country boys are taking a leak off a high bridge. First guy says "Water's cold." Second one says, "And deep."
 
Re: Creative Personalized Insults

Kepler said:
We all know how you feel.
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Right, stuck in the middle with extremists of every persuasion taking pot shots at me from all angles.

I'm trying to figure out how to annoy all of them at once and then quickly duck just before they all pull the trigger at the same time, so that I am on the ground in the middle of a circular firing squad shooting over my head! ;)
 
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