The following report was found scrawled on the back of an airsick bag from a Frontier flight out of Tulsa.
The abandoned mall had two drifters squatting in the dilapidated JC Penney wing, so Shanklin informed them that they would be the referees for the NoWinS. The old ice plant was filled with Prestone antifreeze and fired up, creating an uneven ice surface that was only ?” at its thickest.
Game One - Ohio State vs Army
Ohio State’s Scooter Brickey developed a nasty rash that was determined to be from a silverfish sting, and spent the first two periods trying to rub it on any Army player who came within an arm’s length. While chasing a Black Knight near the blue line, he left his goalie unprotected and Army took advantage with the opening goal late in the second period. It was then discovered that the Buckeyes did not have an actual goalie, just a jersey stuffed with straw and hay.
The Black Knights had contacted Mcalester Army Ammunition Base and had a shipment of ordnance delivered, and proceeded to mine their end of the ice with it during the second intermission. Ohio State complained to the drifter referee who took a swig of Old Rotgut ’97 and shrugged his shoulders. Two Buckeye shots made it halfway from center to the net, but those pucks were picked off by snipers who had taken up positions in an old B Dalton Bookseller store.
Ohio State ‘advances’ with a 1-0 loss. Game two to follow.
