2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

It has been brought to our attention that Niagara has such a short distance to their regional site in Westwood NJ, as to give them insufficient travel discomfort, possibly putting them at a competitive advantage over their opponents. The committee has decided to route their bus by way of Mount Airy NC, where they can pick up the officials for that region's first semifinal. The officials have been stranded there since last weekend, when their RV was impounded by authorities for multiple safety and environmental violations. The officials (whose names are being withheld for security reasons) were returning from working a co-ed slow-pitch softball tournament in Macon GA.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

I have heard rumors that the US Dry Pean & Lentil Council whoes home is in Moscow is looking for partners to promote their product. Based on previous successful campaign, including the very bad Idaho football team, I would think this is a perfect match.

Sounds intriguing, but what is a pean? They obviously need more marketing!

 

[alfablue]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Sounds intriguing, but what is a pean? They obviously need more marketing!

Which makes it appear to be a good fit for this tournament.

Maybe not for the event in Moscow, but other places who have no idea what they are selling. although selling the product to the growers seems to be effective on the level of this tournament. such a condundrum.

 

[Buck 'em]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

I had originally proposed the loser of the play-out game should advance. After considering the real possibility Miami purposely tries to throw the game to stay in the tournament (thanks visoroo), I think this should actually be encouraged. Imagine the flurry of own-goals scored before coaching staffs realize they should move their goalies to the opposing team's net! This could be the most exciting matchup of the tourney - certainly something on which future generations of Muscovites can proudly reminisce (or b*tch about as the case may be).

 

[BUPhD]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

I'm for the play in game but I think it should be pre determined that it automatically eliminates Miami. Make them travel then ditch them.

 

[kwik]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB ANNOUNCES MARKETING OPPORTUNITIES

The BottomFeedersBracket and FutileFour are seeking marketing partners for the 2014 event. Opportunities include everything up to and including NAMING RIGHTS for each of this year's sites including; the 'play-out' game in Moscow ID, regionals at Westwood NJ, Louisville KY, Laurium MI and Ashland OR and the FutileFour at Omaha NE.

Letters of interest should be posted here right away and must include: the price you're willing to pay, what you expect in return and a brief summary explaining why your business is worthy of association with our esteemed event. Serious inquiries only!

A large, mutinational conglomerate that I represent would like me to inquire as to how much they would need to pay for you to never mention them at all during this tournament, and, should any of your eager fans arrive at these games with one of their signature beverages and/or foodstuffs, how much extra would be required for you to provide containers and beverage cups void of any marketing insignias at all, to ensure that there is no way their products could be associated with this fine event?

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Dick's Pump n' Munch in L'Anse would like to submit a bid for the naming rights to the Laurium BFB regional.

Their offer consists of a couple dozen stale donuts that were about to go in the dumpster this morning, and should be nice and moldy by the time the games are actually played. Additionally, Dick's will provide up to 100 gallons of gasoline and 10 filled propane tanks to the committee, no questions asked, for whatever purpose they deem fit.

As for why you should associate yourselves with Dick's, well with a name like that...

 

[chatster]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Northeast Regional Accommodations: Fans planning to attend the regional might want to check on availability of rooms at the luxurious, yet quaintly dilapidated Meyers Park Hotel in Westwood, NJ, within walking distance from the rink. http://media.northjersey.com/images/WWmayers_111711_cl_tif_.jpg Any chance that the teams will be staying at the Wortendyke New World Dutch Barn in nearby Park Ridge, NJ? http://thebarnjournal.org/stories/story013/02.jpg

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

A major concern has been brought to the committee's attention regarding the possibility that Miami might purposely lose the play-out game in order to advance. The committee will not tolerate any attempt to make this event any greater a travesty than it is intended to be, and with that end in mind has taken the following precautionary steps:

1. We have instructed the officials to wave-off any 'own-goals' that, in their opinions, were scored intentionally.
2. We have introduced a new 'reverse penalty' for "napping on the ice". If a player is seen sleeping on the ice, and the official's judgment leads him to believe that nap was for the intentional purpose of neglecting his defensive duties, a player from the opposing team will be sent off to the box until the sleeping player can be properly revived.
3. We have spoken via phone with Miami head coach Enrico Blasi, and warned him that any inappropriate actions will lead to severe sanctions, including a 10 year guaranteed berth in the BFB.

Coach Blasi claimed to have no knowledge of any such plan to throw the game, and stated categorically his belief that his boys are planning to be "one and done with this piece of s**t event." Blaisi explained further "I know they all have tickets to see the touring version of 'Lady GaGa's Cross-Dresser-Caberet' Friday evening at the big truck stop on I70. They've been talking about it for weeks, and I'm certain they will do whatever it takes to get themselves eliminated in time to make the show."

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB ANNOUNCES FIRST CORPORATE SPONSORSHIPS

Council Bluffs Iowa. The BottomFeedersBracket/Futile4 is pleased to announce the first corporate sponsorships in event history. "It's been a lot of work, and took nearly 24 hours to get the initial deals closed, but we're pleased to find appropriate sponsors for our esteemed event." says BFB/F4 spokeman Ashley Roachclip.

The Moscow Idaho 'play-out' game will be officially known as the "US Dry Pea and Lentil Council Bottom-Feeder Play-Out Game in Moscow". The council has agreed to provide courtesy mopeds for tournament officials, hayride wagons to transport teams from motel to arena, and give away shake-can noisemakers (a rusty soup can containing 6-8 dried garbanzo beans) to the first seventeen fans in attendance. There will be a ceremony crowning Miss Idaho Chick-Pea on ice during the second intermission.

For more information, click http://www.pea-lentil.com/

We are especially proud to announce that Dick's Pump n Munch is the official donut and propane provider for the BFB Midwest regional at Laurium Michigan. Dick's, located in the nearby village of L'Anse, will provide day-old donuts and half-price refills on portable propane tanks for any fan or participant bringing in an empty tank.

Dick's web-site is currently down, but you can find them on facebook at Dick's Pump N Munch

The committee is still in negotiations with a plethora of suitors vying for the opportunity to sponsor the regionals in: Westwood NJ, Louisville KY and Ashland OR, as well as the Futile4 in Omaha NE. Expect an another update later today.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB ANNOUNCES MORE CORPORATE SPONSORSHIPS

Council Bluffs Iowa. BFB Northeast Regional for 2014 will now be known as the "BottomFeedersBracket presented by New Jersey Medical Waste Disposal. http://med-flex.com/

NJMWD President Guido Felanucci made the BFB committee an offer they couldn't refuse. No details were released, but it is generally believed that Mister Felanucci and his associates will provide security through one of their affiliated organizations, and guarantee that any medical waste or human remains left behind at the end of the event will be disposed of with no questions asked.


In addition, Uncle Mo's Self-Serve Orthodontic and Dentistry Emporium will serve as official sponsor of the Eastern Regional at Louisville. Entrepreneur Moses Schlitz explained his delight in snagging the sponsorship opportunity by saying "SSOD (as we call it in the trade) is a concept that has done very well in many developing countries around the world; places like Sri Lanka, Kenya and Arkansas, but for some reason we've never achieved the traction we'd hoped for here. We believe that an association with an event of this caliber will bring our unique and economical approach to the forefront."

Mo's will have their "MO-bile" unit, a classic 1983 Chevy Astro Van, in the parking lot throughout the event, including 2 hours prior to and following each game. Vise-Grips, chisels, wire and rubber bands will be available for a nominal fee.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB ANNOUNCES YET ANOTHER CORPORATE PARTNER

Council Bluffs Iowa. The BFB is pleased to welcome OAK GROVE MIDWIFERY as the title sponsor of the BFB's western regional weekend at Ashland Oregon. http://www.oakgrovemidwifery.com/

"Sooner or later, most of these young men will become fathers." says Oak Grove midwife Jenn Head. "and when they do, we want them to understand all the issues associated with childbirth as well as prenatal and postpartum care for the mother. We're especially hoping to raise awareness of placenta encapsulation for use as a dietary supplement." All expectant mothers and women with children below the age of one year will be entitled to a free wellness exam with their paid admission to the event.

BFB spokesman Ashley Roachclip says "We were pleased to find a way to move outside-the-box of the standard, male dominated sports promotion. Plus, this is a small market, and we didn't see many other options."

We're expecting MAJOR NEWS tomorrow, as we unveil the 2014 Futile4 sponsors

 

[BUPhD]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Man, this is shaping up to be the greatest BFB ever.

 

[Snively65]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Man, this is shaping up to be the greatest BFB ever.

Agreed! But, sadly, work got in the way of my travel plans this week on AMTRAK, so looks like I will be now following the play-out game in Moscow, Idaho, tomorrow via Morse Code. And, now I must rearrange my plans to attend the Northeast regional in Westwood, New Jersey, instead of the West Regional in Ashland, Oregon. But, should be really exciting, either way.

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Are you certain you'll be able to follow via Morse Code? Are there even functional telegraphs still in existence? I realize it's northern Idaho, but...

 

[MissThundercat]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

BFB ANNOUNCES YET ANOTHER CORPORATE PARTNER

Council Bluffs Iowa. The BFB is pleased to welcome OAK GROVE MIDWIFERY as the title sponsor of the BFB's western regional weekend at Ashland Oregon. http://www.oakgrovemidwifery.com/

"Sooner or later, most of these young men will become fathers." says Oak Grove midwife Jenn Head. "and when they do, we want them to understand all the issues associated with childbirth as well as prenatal and postpartum care for the mother. We're especially hoping to raise awareness of placenta encapsulation for use as a dietary supplement." All expectant mothers and women with children below the age of one year will be entitled to a free wellness exam with their paid admission to the event.

BFB spokesman Ashley Roachclip says "We were pleased to find a way to move outside-the-box of the standard, male dominated sports promotion. Plus, this is a small market, and we didn't see many other options."

We're expecting MAJOR NEWS tomorrow, as we unveil the 2014 Futile4 sponsors

I'd like to offer sponsorship as well. My personal Bakery, Piper's House 920, is looking to make a splash. We can offer poorly made baguettes and scones, unattractive looking cookies, and the savory dishes we provide are bland and unimaginative. Just one bite and you'll understand why my baking instructor at the Culinary Institute of Michigan told me to re-evaluate my career options.

 

[alfablue]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

Man, this is shaping up to be the greatest BFB ever.

That seems very counter to the goals of this tournament. Something needs to be done.

Are you certain you'll be able to follow via Morse Code? Are there even functional telegraphs still in existence? I realize it's northern Idaho, but...

Perhaps to counter the possible enjoyment, maybe we use smoke signals? Not to be confused with local wild fires.....

Or at least force the broadcasters to use some basic thing to make a spark, whereas the recievers use an old crystal radio set and local plumbing. That they should be able to handle in the Pallouse.

Maybe we can find a cache of 12-1 Electronics kits that include the morse code radio for sending and the crystal radio for recieving. I fear that's too high tech.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

The teams have finally arrived for the US Dry Pea and Lentil Council Bottom-Feeder Play-Out Game in Moscow. The trip was not without expected difficulty, however, as their Malaysian Airways charter flight landed by mistake in Walla-Walla Washington instead of Boise Idaho as planned. Tournament officials were quick to react to the situation, leaving the Miami and Dartmouth teams stranded in Walla Walla less than seven hours until school busses could be commandeered for the trip to Moscow.

Miami head coach Enrico Blasi paid the BFB, perhaps the highest compliment we've ever heard from a team representative, saying "this has been the most ****ed up mess I've ever been associated with, on any level. Even worse that a trip to Ewigleben."

Today's expected high temperature in Moscow is 52f, and since the rink is roofed but open on the sides and ends, ice conditions will be sloppy. Local officials and dignitaries including an honor guard from the Aryan Nation met the teams at the town square with a variety of weapons, farm implements and threatening taunts.

Drop of the puck is scheduled for 1:04pm MDT (3:04 EDT), but the committee remains hopeful that some further calamity may still arise and force the proceedings to be delayed.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

FUTILE4 INKS SPONSORSHIP DEAL WITH NAMBLA

Council Bluffs Iowa: The BottomFeedersBracket/Futile4 is pleased to announce that they have awarded naming rights for the 2014 event to the North American Man-Boy Love Association http://www.nambla.org/welcome.html BFB/F4 marketing director Lou Briccant read a prepared statement to a member of the press (actually the paperboy from the Omaha World-Herald who just happened to be passing by) in the lobby of the Council Bluffs Motel 6, BFB/F4's 2014 tournament headquarters. That statement (edited for publication here) follows: "When we first began the process of seeking event sponsors we had a specific set of standards, from which the committee never wavered. NAMBLA fills every one of our expectations."

Unfortunately, no NAMBLA representative was available for comment, as they all had left to hang out near school bus stops.

 

[Freddie]

Re: 2014 Bottom-Feeders Bracket, Futile Four BRACKETOLOGY

PRE-GAME FESTIVITIES CONTINUE AT MOSCOW 'PLAY-OUT' SITE

The Dartmouth and Miami hockey teams were honored guests this afternoon for a parade down Main Street in Moscow Idaho. Inmates from the Latah County jail marched past the hastily erected grandstand as they headed off for a highway cleanup project. Miami coach Enrico Blaisi was moved to the point of tears as the crew, clad in flashy orange jumpsuits paused in front of the reviewing stand and saluted the teams with their rakes, shovels and brooms. "I haven't seen so much orange since our last visit to Bowling Green." Blaisi was heard to say.

Dartmouth captain Tyler Sikura was equally moved at the sight of nineteen toddlers from the Happy Trails Daycare Center, dressed as characters from the SpoungeBob Squarepants cartoon show. "We weren't especially thrilled getting invited to this event, but all those little SpoungeBobs make it worth the trip, and Squidwurth just cracks me up."

The five candidates for Miss ChickPea rode in the back of pickup truck proudly bearing the logo of the event sponsor The U.S. Dry Pea and Lentil Council Also participating in the parade were the Syringa Trailer Court Hookers Society, the Palouse Native-American Kazoo Band, the University of Idaho's national championship beer-pong team and three apparently intoxicated teenage boys wearing only jock straps.

At the end of the parade, Mayor Bill Lambert presented each team's equipment manager with a ceremonial key to the Palouse Ice Rink's only restroom. The Mayor kindly reminded them not to lose it, as it's the only copy we have. "That's why the key ring is attached to an old tractor tire."