I follow this rule when making, say, a pot of chili - there should be a manly amount of heat, but not so much that it completely smothers the food's flavor and gives me the runs two hours later.
I like a little kick but not enough to make my eyes water or cause suffering. The flavor of food should be enjoyable, not painful or a test of manhood.
Different people have a different tolorance for spicy food too. My girlfriend absolutely loves wings that are super spicy. To each their own.I don't like being in pain, but some foods that I prefer spicy do make my eyes verge on a tear or two. It's not overpowering spice or anything, it definitely adds to the flavor.
An example: my uncle will eat whole jalapenos, because he likes the taste. Now, they're not exactly the spiciest out there, in fact they are considered rather "mild." However, his eyes water a bit after a couple.
There is also a little thing called spice tolerance. Most people can train themselves to be able to handle spicy foods. Just takes the discipline to make yourself suffer a few times to get it going.