Things you've learned being childfree

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

1. Yes, the breeders will judge you; subtly and not-so-subtly. Men will chuckle and say "Yep, that's exactly what I said until I made an oops at fortysomething." You'll be told that you'll change your mind. The size of the home you buy will be questioned ("Whaddya need 4 bedrooms for?!"). You'll be told that you will regret not having kids and grandkids to care for you when you're old. Many people will automatically assume you're a self-absorbed prick.

2. The pitter-patter of little feet sounds so much better when they are pet paws.

3. Not getting out of bed before 10 on a random Saturday is just as glorious at age 38 as it was in college. Being able to take vacation time whenever without worrying about school schedules or having to pile in with the masses all traveling during the same windows every year is also great.

4. Your Boomer parents will likely be at least somewhat disappointed. Would my mom love a grandkid? Absolutely. However, no one 'owes' their parents one. I also don't 'owe' my country more good little worker bees. As for carrying on my family line or gene pool, who gives a rat's ass?

5. I feel less bad about poor environmental choices I've made (like working a high-travel job and flying a ton before COVID), knowing that I've already made the best choice for the planet in the future.

6. On a more negative note, adult friendships get much harder to maintain when your friends start having kids

 

[RaceBoarder]

It just comes down to the financial burden mainly.

Having a kid or two currently requires a household in my neck of the woods to have an income of around $100k to live “comfortably” (meaning having a 3BR apartment or similar house. Decent benefits for medical/dental.)

There is also the flexibility. If I want to do something on a Thursday on a whim, I can do that. I don’t need to arrange a sitter. I don’t need to worry about school commitments the following day. Also as F2BG mentioned, I’m not pigeon-holed into traveling in specific windows if I want to.

I also am allowed to have my own hobbies that I can dedicate time to. I don’t have to play the compromise game here.

 

[MichVandal]

Another +1 on the financial stability.

As for being judged, not many of our friends have kids, and I never talked about it at work. Although, I'm pretty sure people didn't like that we were able to vacation so much and so easily, since they had kids that factored into it.

The only concern at this point is who will take care of us when we die or if we get sick.

I will also point out that the population growth thing seems to be very steady, and looks to be declining in the pretty near future. But on the other hand, we don't have to worry about our kids in this horrible political environment these days. Especially since they would be a targeted minority.

 

[Kepler]

I was child free until almost 40 so I'll opine.

Spending your entire 30s with a good job, an inkling of self awareness, lots of experience, being able to understand partners, and knowing what you want, is tremendously fulfilling. You are young enough to be able to do anything and go anywhere. Almost everything is still new and exciting just for its novelty. You are still overcome by awe by tiny things.

To have all this without the crushing responsibility and the endless mewling annoyance of children is the best way to live. It's not just the brat itself but its effect on you and your partner. You both become mindless, irritable automata. It's like being sick, for years. There's a reason the rich have nannies and boarding school.

My daughter is wonderful and I am very glad we are in each other's lives, but I could easily imagine a life without kids too. Also: she was perfect. I got lucky. Or, rather, I was able to observe before committing, A kid can also turn out to be a complete tool who gives you nothing but worry and heartache for life. They're like free soloing-- it might work out, but also maybe not.

 

[Kepler]

1. Yes, the breeders will judge you; subtly and not-so-subtly. Men will chuckle and say "Yep, that's exactly what I said until I made an oops at fortysomething." You'll be told that you'll change your mind. The size of the home you buy will be questioned ("Whaddya need 4 bedrooms for?!"). You'll be told that you will regret not having kids and grandkids to care for you when you're old. Many people will automatically assume you're a self-absorbed prick.

Those are all positive reasons not to have kids.

My wife complains that in part my vocabulary choice is a deliberate needle for people who are offended that "durr, somebody thinks they're better'n me durr." She's right. Why would I ever alter myself to appease some mouth breather? If anything I would steer into it. People who come at you because your very Being challenges the eggshell of their life choices* deserve mockery and the torture of their own envious flop sweat.

* But enough about religion.

 

[Deutsche Gopher Fan]

I love not having kids

I suspect my experience as a woman is slightly different than yours. There are definitely people who think you are less than. That your time isn’t valuable because “you have free time, you can move your vacation” etc. That’s obv not something friends do.

I learned to enjoy it years ago. I once had a friend (ex friend now) that was very close to me- but she told me that she couldn’t understand how people could not want to have their biological legacy to live on.

I told her I can accomplish way more and leave my “legacy” by working in public health and environment. I also mentioned how insulting it was to care about biological kids when so many women want them but can’t.

I now hear from her occasionally and she’s complaining about how much kids cost.

Awwwwwe

 

[FadeToBlack&Gold]

I suspect my experience as a woman is slightly different than yours. There are definitely people who think you are less than. That your time isn’t valuable because “you have free time, you can move your vacation” etc. That’s obv not something friends do.

I learned to enjoy it years ago. I once had a friend (ex friend now) that was very close to me- but she told me that she couldn’t understand how people could not want to have their biological legacy to live on.

I told her I can accomplish way more and leave my “legacy” by working in public health and environment. I also mentioned how insulting it was to care about biological kids when so many women want them but can’t.

I now hear from her occasionally and she’s complaining about how much kids cost.

Awwwwwe

I would think that's an understatement. A high-income thirtysomething man who's still single will be the envy of many of his peers. They will all assume he slays on those biz trips like it's 1965.

If a woman of the same age is in the exact same position, many men will look at her and think, "She's beautiful and successful, but still single? Damaged goods, something's wrong with her."

 

[Deutsche Gopher Fan]

I would think that's an understatement. A high-income thirtysomething man who's still single will be the envy of many of his peers. They will all assume he slays on those biz trips like it's 1965.

If a woman of the same age is in the exact same position, many men will look at her and think, "She's beautiful and successful, but still single? Damaged goods, something's wrong with her."

Oh no no no, drew explained it once. It’s just that I’m too ugly