We welcome you and others from coast to coast and around the world with open arms to our Great University to study and learn the way of the Badger, and thenceforth to return beyond our borders to share the light of the Badger with all those less fortunate. Though you are not one of us by birth, through your meticulous study and effort, you are to become one with us in Spirit.
That is in all ways but one.
And that is good, for that one way is our burden to bear from birth until death. And bear it we shall, for we are the protectors locked in eternal struggle with the great shadow at whose heart lies an evil darker than the blackest cave and more obscene than German porn. You see, we are born with the rot and filth and stench wafting in from our Western border and though many have tried, others cannot know all of what it is truly like to be Wisconsinites.
You see,for example, we know it's a fact that J.R.R Tolkien first conceived of Mordor while looking westward from the middle of the I-94 bridge, too terrified to take another step. It scarred him for life and he would never stop writing of the horror. We know too that Joseph Conrad wrote "Heart of Darkness" on a caffeine and benzedrine fueled Monday after a weekend excursion to Bloomington and the Mall of America.
I could go on with many many, many, many, other examples, but it is of no import. You cannot understand fully. It is ok. Enjoy your Wild Broadcast and shopping at Target. But know that it is beyond us to do likewise. It is enough for us to know that despite your naivety surrounding Minnesotans, you will take care to represent us well and never stray from the Badger path, for as it is written, so it is: Once a Badger, Always a Badger. Let's Go Red.