The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

[MissThundercat]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Wednesday, about 9:30 AM, my supervisor straight up dead named me.

Thursday, 9 AM, I go to him and ask him to stop it. Politely. His response? "It's in the system, so..." I was either livid or on the edge of tears, so resolved to go to HR later in the day.

Thursday, around 2:30 PM, I had another opportunity to talk to him, so tried a different approach. Told him to imagine we switched positions. His name is Andy (Andrew), so told him to imagine he came out as Andrea. Came out, started hormones, and came to me, asking I call her Andrea. I said "okay," but as time passed, I kept saying "Andrew" because it was "in the system." Paused for a moment, and then asked "wouldn't that make you feel uncomfortable?" I saw him sigh, lower his head, and said something like "I understand now," and resolved to do better in the future.

I am proud of myself for taking a softer approach, and my prayer is that this works long-term. If at all possible, I don't want to drag HR into it, I don't want to go nuclear, and I really don't want to try the passive-aggressive approach either.

[leswp1]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Wednesday, about 9:30 AM, my supervisor straight up dead named me.

Thursday, 9 AM, I go to him and ask him to stop it. Politely. His response? "It's in the system, so..." I was either livid or on the edge of tears, so resolved to go to HR later in the day.

Thursday, around 2:30 PM, I had another opportunity to talk to him, so tried a different approach. Told him to imagine we switched positions. His name is Andy (Andrew), so told him to imagine he came out as Andrea. Came out, started hormones, and came to me, asking I call her Andrea. I said "okay," but as time passed, I kept saying "Andrew" because it was "in the system." Paused for a moment, and then asked "wouldn't that make you feel uncomfortable?" I saw him sigh, lower his head, and said something like "I understand now," and resolved to do better in the future.

I am proud of myself for taking a softer approach, and my prayer is that this works long-term. If at all possible, I don't want to drag HR into it, I don't want to go nuclear, and I really don't want to try the passive-aggressive approach either.

Try to be patient. My bet this is totally out of the guy's wheelhouse. He may have done this by accident and then didn't want to admit it and back down. He may also be very uncomfortable and struggle with understanding. Not everyone is intellectually flexible and many people are very black and white and struggle when anything changes.

Think of it this way- he has known you as one name. When he is on auto pilot he is probably going to default to that without thinking. I am sure you can think of something you mentally labeled as A and the world changed/relabeled it as B then you had to work hard to not call it A. I can only think of all the medical diagnoses that they have renamed as examples which is not helpful~

What you did was great. In the end you cannot change what the other person does. You can decide how you will receive and react to it. Can you handle it by looking understanding and blandly replying, "I am sure with all the people you deal with and how busy you are right now you might have forgotten my name. That's Ok. I forget names too. My name is Amber." and then reply to what he is talking about.

This is a very laden topic for you. Speaking as someone who had patients who transitioned, I fully acknowledged them in my head as the gender they identified with. Had no problem with that at all and still would call them by the name I met them with when I was distracted and trying to solve a problem with them. I would catch myself and say something but it was uncomfortable for me to acknowledge. It also interrupted what I was trying to process and threw me off my stride. It was hard for me to switch gears. Considering I have had decades of experience and a ton of training I was able to stop, ask forgiveness and move on. To be honest it was a big pain in the but7 because I could understand how important it was to the person but it had nothing to do with mislabeling them on purpose. I can't even remember to call my own kid the right name sometimes when I am distracted!

Long winded way of saying- people have known you as one person, have all sorts of associations with your previous name. calling you by your previous name to you implies all sorts of negative things. It may just be because they are not consciously thinking of any gender at all when they call you by your previous name. They are on auto pilot an this is the name that comes out when they are.

[mookie1995]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

as long as they don't call you needle d!ck

(and hang in there. we are with you as much as we can be.)

[MissThundercat]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Had the hearing today. Judge said the petition is basically granted, but until the Court gets the affidavit of publication from the Holland Sentinel, the judge can't sign the order. So after lunch, it's back to the Holland Sentinel to see what I can do. I am disappointed, yes, and I need to keep myself from turning this into the ultimate negative.

[aparch]

Had the hearing today. Judge said the petition is basically granted, but until the Court gets the affidavit of publication from the Holland Sentinel, the judge can't sign the order. So after lunch, it's back to the Holland Sentinel to see what I can do. I am disappointed, yes, and I need to keep myself from turning this into the ultimate negative.

Ahh. The great bureaucratic shuffle. It's like the Cohodas shuffle at NMU, but in the real world.

It's not a setback, it's nothing you did wrong. It sounds like the Holland Sentinal dropped the ball. Just make sure you have a copy of the paper the notice was published in and the Holland Central filled out the affidavit for you (that's on them).

I'm sure it's just someone dropped the ball at the paper, especially with the holidays.

Sh** happens. This isn't a negative. Just an annoyance.


Also once it's set by the court, be prepared to spend time at the Social Security office getting that changed. Then the DMV. Then your employer. And your banks. Only to have mail arrive six months from now and you go "Oh sh**, that needs to get changed yet!"

It's like getting married, only without the fun parts.

[dxmnkd316]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Good post

[St. Clown]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Had the hearing today. Judge said the petition is basically granted, but until the Court gets the affidavit of publication from the Holland Sentinel, the judge can't sign the order. So after lunch, it's back to the Holland Sentinel to see what I can do. I am disappointed, yes, and I need to keep myself from turning this into the ultimate negative.

Michigan requires people to file their name changes with their local paper before receiving a new name? Is that for all name changes, or do they limit it to transgender people?

Regardless of the answer, that seems wrong to me. What business is it to someone you've never met that you're changing your name?

[aparch]

Michigan requires people to file their name changes with their local paper before receiving a new name? Is that for all name changes, or do they limit it to transgender people?

Regardless of the answer, that seems wrong to me. What business is it to someone you've never met that you're changing your name?

All court filed name changes. Marriages get to skip that step.

It is supposed to be publicly posted in a daily or weekly newspaper, and the public hearing notice is to allow someone (or anyone really) to attend the hearing to tell the court why that person shouldn't have their name changed.

It's more a formality to ensure that someone isn't doing it for nefarious purposes.



(Went through it myself to wipe away some remnants of a nasty divorce my parents had.)

[MissThundercat]

Ahh. The great bureaucratic shuffle. It's like the Cohodas shuffle at NMU, but in the real world.

It's not a setback, it's nothing you did wrong. It sounds like the Holland Sentinal dropped the ball. Just make sure you have a copy of the paper the notice was published in and the Holland Central filled out the affidavit for you (that's on them).

I'm sure it's just someone dropped the ball at the paper, especially with the holidays.

Sh** happens. This isn't a negative. Just an annoyance.


Also once it's set by the court, be prepared to spend time at the Social Security office getting that changed. Then the DMV. Then your employer. And your banks. Only to have mail arrive six months from now and you go "Oh sh**, that needs to get changed yet!"

It's like getting married, only without the fun parts.

Found the document I needed, ran it right back to the court, and at 1:25, the judge signed the order.

[St. Clown]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Congratulations, A.

[aparch]

Found the document I needed, ran it right back to the court, and at 1:25, the judge signed the order.

Congrats!!

[leswp1]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Yay!

And all name changes have to do that except marriages. There are a lot of things that are required to be posted. Hold over from when people didn't have phones, internets.

[mookie1995]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

Well done

[MissThundercat]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

It feels good. The driver's license and the social security card are changed, and I still have several more things to change, like my bank account and work stuff, but this feels SO good.

[unofan]

Re: The Good Thoughts and Prayers Needed Thread 2

https://m.fark.com/goto/10266993/www...ylor-swift-and

Jesus h Christ, it's dusty on here...