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A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

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  • Lady wore Black
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by leswp1 View Post
    With 25 yrs of marriage under my belt (well, if you count all the hours Mr les works it probably doesn't qualify as that many) the thing I have learned is patience with myself and in considering what I think about something. Even when something seems awful, over time, when you look at it your perception changes- not necessarily what you think is happening/did happen but how you feel it fits into what you will tolerate and what you won't. Maybe I realized that for me, at least, many of the things I used to react by going off like a cherry bomb and then ruminating about it for days weren't worth the space in my head. Now I just go do my own thing after expressing myself (which sometimes resembles a cherry bomb). I don't rely on Mr les to define the situation. Decide what you want. If you are firm he can flip and flop all he wants but you go about your business like it is a done deal.
    I can only handle x-amount. Usually I can brush it off. The story is that he decided that he was going to quit his job when our lease was up and move back to St. Cloud leaving me stranded. I am fine with the rollercoaster of yes/no he is going to apply to grad school. That I can brush off. Him yelling at me saying he was quitting his job and moving pushed me over the edge. He has since retracted it, but like I said, the damage has been done.

    On the plus side, I do have an interview this week for a job in the west metro. I am not seriously looking, but is something comes up and sparks my interest, I will apply.

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  • MarkEagleUSA
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Condolences LWB.

    Leave a comment:


  • leswp1
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by Lady wore Black View Post
    Thanks all. I am trying to get this chapter closed and to move on. The funeral for Mr. wore Black's grandma is this Friday. Mr. and I have started communicating more, but he has to stop flip-flopping his mind. In the end, I know that I can rely on all of you to be there. You know I will be there for you.
    With 25 yrs of marriage under my belt (well, if you count all the hours Mr les works it probably doesn't qualify as that many) the thing I have learned is patience with myself and in considering what I think about something. Even when something seems awful, over time, when you look at it your perception changes- not necessarily what you think is happening/did happen but how you feel it fits into what you will tolerate and what you won't. Maybe I realized that for me, at least, many of the things I used to react by going off like a cherry bomb and then ruminating about it for days weren't worth the space in my head. Now I just go do my own thing after expressing myself (which sometimes resembles a cherry bomb). I don't rely on Mr les to define the situation. Decide what you want. If you are firm he can flip and flop all he wants but you go about your business like it is a done deal.
    Last edited by leswp1; 04-01-2013, 07:07 PM.

    Leave a comment:


  • Lady wore Black
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Thanks all. I am trying to get this chapter closed and to move on. The funeral for Mr. wore Black's grandma is this Friday. Mr. and I have started communicating more, but he has to stop flip-flopping his mind. In the end, I know that I can rely on all of you to be there. You know I will be there for you.

    Leave a comment:


  • leswp1
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by melmac View Post
    Chin up, young person. You've got friends - real and imagined (or at least real people on a message board) - that will be there for you if/when you need them.

    If there's one thing I've learned, it's that everything works out one way or the other and we start new chapters in life. This will pass and, no matter the outcome, you'll move on to the next chapter. It's how I've gotten through some crazy times.
    This. Sometimes life is like eating brussel sprouts. You chew it up and swallow it with a swig of milk while you try not to taste it. Then you hope dessert is something you really like.

    Leave a comment:


  • melmac
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by Lady wore Black View Post
    It has been a rough time. To make it worse, Mr. wore Black have been having a rough time in our marriage, thus the instability. This was not mentioned in the Lodge.
    Chin up, young person. You've got friends - real and imagined (or at least real people on a message board) - that will be there for you if/when you need them.

    If there's one thing I've learned, it's that everything works out one way or the other and we start new chapters in life. This will pass and, no matter the outcome, you'll move on to the next chapter. It's how I've gotten through some crazy times.

    Leave a comment:


  • leswp1
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by Lady wore Black View Post
    It has been a rough time. To make it worse, Mr. wore Black have been having a rough time in our marriage, thus the instability. This was not mentioned in the Lodge.
    I kind of gathered that (well leapt to the conclusion). Tough time to have that going on. This is the time where you want to lean on your partner and notthe lack of being able to do that leaves even more of a huge hole

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  • Lady wore Black
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by leswp1 View Post
    Sad to hear Prayers for you. Sounds like you are having a rough time.
    It has been a rough time. To make it worse, Mr. wore Black have been having a rough time in our marriage, thus the instability. This was not mentioned in the Lodge.

    Leave a comment:


  • leswp1
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by Lady wore Black View Post
    A couple of things:

    1) My best friend's aunt died. I was shocked to hear as she was like a mom to me when I was living in St. Cloud. She was a great person.

    2) Mr. wore Black's grandma died last night. Waiting to hear about the funeral plans. That is one person who lived a life. Raised 11 kids. Had 17 grandkids, and 13 great-grandkids with more on the way.
    Sad to hear Prayers for you. Sounds like you are having a rough time.

    Leave a comment:


  • Lady wore Black
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    A couple of things:

    1) My best friend's aunt died. I was shocked to hear as she was like a mom to me when I was living in St. Cloud. She was a great person.

    2) Mr. wore Black's grandma died last night. Waiting to hear about the funeral plans. That is one person who lived a life. Raised 11 kids. Had 17 grandkids, and 13 great-grandkids with more on the way.

    Leave a comment:


  • MountieBoyOz
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by manurespreader View Post
    Great, great, story. Parenting is so hard.

    My son called me up a few months ago and said thanks for not trying to run his life. feels good but it's hard to do.
    I posted this in the Genuinely Nice Planet thread, but I'll put it here again.

    My step-daughter is raising money for this American Heart Association Challenge at her school. She's been taking pledges and got some money. Anyways, her grandmother sends her $5 for Valentine's Day because they always send her stuff for holidays like that and it's cool for an 8 year old to get something in the mail. We asked her what she wanted to do with it and she said, "I'll put it in the heart thing." We asked her why and she said, "Because they need it more than me."

    It makes me proud that my wife and I seem to be teaching her the right things to do. It seems like she's on the right path.

    Leave a comment:


  • manurespreader
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by FreshFish View Post
    Here's hoping that this anecdote might help others who find themselves in a similar situation, or provide some hope and support.

    Several years ago, my wife and I found some methampetamines (powder form) that our then-teenage son had purchased but not yet used. I told him that I had tried meth once in college...it felt great! I was so energetic, alert, aware, alive, it felt fantastic, wonderful. I then became very concerned, because I had done nothing whatsoever to "deserve" such a good feeling, there was no accomplishment to be proud of, no victory over adversity to be excited about. I realized then that meth was a liar, a cheat, a thief, that if I kept using it, it would rob me of any chance of happiness I might otherwise have. As you might imagine, he didn't say much in response, and it was a nervous few years for us.

    Well, a few days ago, my wife and son were talking within my earshot, and I heard her mention to him that several high school students had died recently from a molly overdose (the street name of the powdered meth he had purchased and never used). He told her that what I had said to him had really made a difference and he never wanted to try meth after that because of what I had said.

    I guess our teens do listen to us when we speak lovingly to them from the heart, even if it is a difficult and challenging situation, as long as we put their needs ahead of ours. It would have been really tempting at the time to bawl him out rather than express empathy, and I thank the Deity many times that I found the patience and love to meet him where he was, rather than insist he be where I wanted him to be.
    Great, great, story. Parenting is so hard.

    My son called me up a few months ago and said thanks for not trying to run his life. feels good but it's hard to do.

    Leave a comment:


  • FreshFish
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Here's hoping that this anecdote might help others who find themselves in a similar situation, or provide some hope and support.

    Several years ago, my wife and I found some methampetamines (powder form) that our then-teenage son had purchased but not yet used. I told him that I had tried meth once in college...it felt great! I was so energetic, alert, aware, alive, it felt fantastic, wonderful. I then became very concerned, because I had done nothing whatsoever to "deserve" such a good feeling, there was no accomplishment to be proud of, no victory over adversity to be excited about. I realized then that meth was a liar, a cheat, a thief, that if I kept using it, it would rob me of any chance of happiness I might otherwise have. As you might imagine, he didn't say much in response, and it was a nervous few years for us.

    Well, a few days ago, my wife and son were talking within my earshot, and I heard her mention to him that several high school students had died recently from a molly overdose (the street name of the powdered meth he had purchased and never used). He told her that what I had said to him had really made a difference and he never wanted to try meth after that because of what I had said.

    I guess our teens do listen to us when we speak lovingly to them from the heart, even if it is a difficult and challenging situation, as long as we put their needs ahead of ours. It would have been really tempting at the time to bawl him out rather than express empathy, and I thank the Deity many times that I found the patience and love to meet him where he was, rather than insist he be where I wanted him to be.
    Last edited by FreshFish; 03-21-2013, 10:53 AM.

    Leave a comment:


  • MountieBoyOz
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by jen View Post
    said goodbye to the toughest lady I will ever know, my grandmother. she went through the loss of her mother, son and second husband all within about 5 years, a heart attack (while chopping firewood - which she didn't stop doing), a bitter divorce (when people didn't really get divorced), and three types of cancer (beating two of them). she was strong and independent until her last year. the third type of cancer finally knocked her down when it metastasized into a brain tumor. her old neighbor summed her up perfectly at the funeral: "that girl sure could chop wood". I don't post in this thread much, but good vibes or what have you are appreciated, especially for my aunts and great aunts.
    I'm so sorry, Jen.

    Leave a comment:


  • MissThundercat
    replied
    Re: A Thread for prayers, good vibes and what have you

    Originally posted by jen View Post
    said goodbye to the toughest lady I will ever know, my grandmother. she went through the loss of her mother, son and second husband all within about 5 years, a heart attack (while chopping firewood - which she didn't stop doing), a bitter divorce (when people didn't really get divorced), and three types of cancer (beating two of them). she was strong and independent until her last year. the third type of cancer finally knocked her down when it metastasized into a brain tumor. her old neighbor summed her up perfectly at the funeral: "that girl sure could chop wood". I don't post in this thread much, but good vibes or what have you are appreciated, especially for my aunts and great aunts.
    Condolences, jen.

    Leave a comment:

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