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  • Slap Shot
    replied
    Originally posted by SJHovey View Post

    I going to throw my two cents in here, even though I will be neither shocked nor offended if you choose to completely disregard my comments.

    If I were you, I'd make the change.

    One of the best pieces of advice my father gave my siblings and me was to "work for yourself." Don't make a buck for someone else, apply your work to making a buck for yourself. You'll be much happier if you do. That advice stuck with me, and I've never regretted following it.

    It sounds like you've already made 50+ trips around the sun on this rock, so you're probably beyond the halfway point. If you're like me, you've realized that the years seem to pass faster. I see no reason to ever spend them doing something that I hate.

    Family is important, and it's nice having them around. Two observations, however. First, the world is a heck of a lot smaller place than it was 50 years ago, and you're never that far away from family. Second, if buying a resort in some tropical location ends up as your choice, I don't think your problem will be not enough time with your family. I think your problem might end up as too much time with your family. If I had even a second cousin with a tropical resort, that person would immediately move to the top of my favorite relatives list.

    Good luck with whatever you choose.
    My mindset is very much in line with your suggestions which I appreciate. Convincing my wife/family to agree without creating long-term division is the balancing act I'm currently trying to navigate.

    Leave a comment:


  • LynahFan
    replied
    Originally posted by Scarlet View Post
    It just makes me feel like a baby to be annoyed by this. I'm a mature grown up for pete's sake!! OK here goes:

    My immediate manager is turning 40. Her boss, my former immediate manager, is making this huge deal out it. Like, we had a meeting today to discuss it. We're going to think about a day in the office to surprise and think about gifts and what she really likes (she's into rap music apparently) and can we all dress like Run DMC or wear 80s clothes...(since she was born in 1982). And we're thinking about chipping in for a nice gift. Which I have no problem contributing to but I am NOT spending money to buy something stupid to wear in addition. When I turned 50 (which is a bigger milestone than 40) and she was my immediate manager, I got nothing. She got me a little gift, which was fine. I invited my entire team among others in the department to volunteer with me at the Greater Boston Food Bank instead of a party. She didn't come, she didn't conspire with anyone else on the team to make sure some people joined me there (it was one of the coolest things I've done - my entire family came and a bunch of other work peeps not on my team or in my department).

    Now I get completely we're in a different time. I think because none of us have seen each other forever she wants to get us all together which I think is great. But she's going all out and if you don't go all out for the rest of your team, don't do it for one.

    See? Stupid and petty. Why am I so bothered by this???
    Not stupid nor petty. Your boss's boss's actions are borderline harassment, in my book - demanding your money as well as your time outside of work hours, knowing that it would almost certainly affect your standing with your teammates and management if you choose not to participate. Absolutely unacceptable. Taking up an anonymous collection for those who want to participate ("jar's on my desk, folks") is fine. Anything beyond that creates a hostile work environment and is a net negative for team morale.

    Leave a comment:


  • Scarlet
    replied
    Originally posted by SJHovey View Post

    You're not out of line to be bothered by this. It's one of the reasons why as an employer I try to tamp down, as much as reasonable, these types of celebrations. Not because the milestone isn't worth celebrating, and not because the employee isn't worthy of it either. It's because invariably hard feelings are created due to how people are treated.

    That said, and given these people are in your direct chain of command above you, you're probably stuck riding along on this. Fortunately, you can probably skate by pretty cheaply since I think with a black t-shirt, some gold chains and maybe a cheap black hat, you can channel Run - DMC pretty well. Might have to work on a couple of the raps, though.

    Good luck.
    I don't mind doing it. I think it's nice to celebrate. I just think the over-the-topness of it is cause for eye-rolling when it isn't consistent across the team. And by team, I mean me. And that makes me feel like an idiot for feeling like I do about it. I'm not a fan of theme parties, so that's on me. I hate dress up stuff, it's why I choose to not go to Halloween parties. Oh, in addition, my manager's husband is throwing her a surprise 40th at a restaurant in Boston. I'm happy going to that but I'm not buying a second gift.

    Leave a comment:


  • Kepler
    replied
    If you and your loved ones want to make a move, move. You can always Zoom with your parents and siblings.

    Leave a comment:


  • SJHovey
    replied
    Originally posted by Slap Shot View Post
    I've been exploring more and more starting/acquiring my own business in Thailand these past several months in an, "early retirement" sort of way.

    I've very much enjoyed my career the past 30 years but now I'm bored and there's no way to change that in the short term if we return to the U.S. (as my wife prefers while the kids are in college) because I'd keep doing what I'm doing for the most part and have to put off doing my own thing.

    I dunno - buy a resort on Koh Samui at the expense of seeing the family far less, or return to corporate America surrounded by my family but hating what I'm doing.
    I going to throw my two cents in here, even though I will be neither shocked nor offended if you choose to completely disregard my comments.

    If I were you, I'd make the change.

    One of the best pieces of advice my father gave my siblings and me was to "work for yourself." Don't make a buck for someone else, apply your work to making a buck for yourself. You'll be much happier if you do. That advice stuck with me, and I've never regretted following it.

    It sounds like you've already made 50+ trips around the sun on this rock, so you're probably beyond the halfway point. If you're like me, you've realized that the years seem to pass faster. I see no reason to ever spend them doing something that I hate.

    Family is important, and it's nice having them around. Two observations, however. First, the world is a heck of a lot smaller place than it was 50 years ago, and you're never that far away from family. Second, if buying a resort in some tropical location ends up as your choice, I don't think your problem will be not enough time with your family. I think your problem might end up as too much time with your family. If I had even a second cousin with a tropical resort, that person would immediately move to the top of my favorite relatives list.

    Good luck with whatever you choose.

    Leave a comment:


  • SJHovey
    replied
    Originally posted by Scarlet View Post
    It just makes me feel like a baby to be annoyed by this. I'm a mature grown up for pete's sake!! OK here goes:

    My immediate manager is turning 40. Her boss, my former immediate manager, is making this huge deal out it. Like, we had a meeting today to discuss it. We're going to think about a day in the office to surprise and think about gifts and what she really likes (she's into rap music apparently) and can we all dress like Run DMC or wear 80s clothes...(since she was born in 1982). And we're thinking about chipping in for a nice gift. Which I have no problem contributing to but I am NOT spending money to buy something stupid to wear in addition. When I turned 50 (which is a bigger milestone than 40) and she was my immediate manager, I got nothing. She got me a little gift, which was fine. I invited my entire team among others in the department to volunteer with me at the Greater Boston Food Bank instead of a party. She didn't come, she didn't conspire with anyone else on the team to make sure some people joined me there (it was one of the coolest things I've done - my entire family came and a bunch of other work peeps not on my team or in my department).

    Now I get completely we're in a different time. I think because none of us have seen each other forever she wants to get us all together which I think is great. But she's going all out and if you don't go all out for the rest of your team, don't do it for one.

    See? Stupid and petty. Why am I so bothered by this???
    You're not out of line to be bothered by this. It's one of the reasons why as an employer I try to tamp down, as much as reasonable, these types of celebrations. Not because the milestone isn't worth celebrating, and not because the employee isn't worthy of it either. It's because invariably hard feelings are created due to how people are treated.

    That said, and given these people are in your direct chain of command above you, you're probably stuck riding along on this. Fortunately, you can probably skate by pretty cheaply since I think with a black t-shirt, some gold chains and maybe a cheap black hat, you can channel Run - DMC pretty well. Might have to work on a couple of the raps, though.

    Good luck.

    Leave a comment:


  • MichVandal
    replied
    Originally posted by Scarlet View Post
    It just makes me feel like a baby to be annoyed by this. I'm a mature grown up for pete's sake!! OK here goes:

    My immediate manager is turning 40. Her boss, my former immediate manager, is making this huge deal out it. Like, we had a meeting today to discuss it. We're going to think about a day in the office to surprise and think about gifts and what she really likes (she's into rap music apparently) and can we all dress like Run DMC or wear 80s clothes...(since she was born in 1982). And we're thinking about chipping in for a nice gift. Which I have no problem contributing to but I am NOT spending money to buy something stupid to wear in addition. When I turned 50 (which is a bigger milestone than 40) and she was my immediate manager, I got nothing. She got me a little gift, which was fine. I invited my entire team among others in the department to volunteer with me at the Greater Boston Food Bank instead of a party. She didn't come, she didn't conspire with anyone else on the team to make sure some people joined me there (it was one of the coolest things I've done - my entire family came and a bunch of other work peeps not on my team or in my department).

    Now I get completely we're in a different time. I think because none of us have seen each other forever she wants to get us all together which I think is great. But she's going all out and if you don't go all out for the rest of your team, don't do it for one.

    See? Stupid and petty. Why am I so bothered by this???
    I personally don't see that as stupid and petty at all. 5 years ago, other than a simple announcement, my boss blew off my 25th work anniversary- where there are some specific things you get to do and some gifts you are to get (gift, lunch, fancy certificate, etc). The only way I got the gift was when I got a reminder in my home mail that I had to decide what I wanted.

    And prior to that, I was in a department that supposedly celebrated birthdays. Even though I was in that department for more than long enough, somehow, mine was never celebrated.

    Feeling that you are actually a part of an organization is really important when the company wants to get the most out of you. When that doesn't happen.... It takes the air out of the propaganda that employees are the #1 asset.

    Less than 90 days to go.

    Leave a comment:


  • Slap Shot
    replied
    I've been exploring more and more starting/acquiring my own business in Thailand these past several months in an, "early retirement" sort of way.

    I've very much enjoyed my career the past 30 years but now I'm bored and there's no way to change that in the short term if we return to the U.S. (as my wife prefers while the kids are in college) because I'd keep doing what I'm doing for the most part and have to put off doing my own thing.

    I dunno - buy a resort on Koh Samui at the expense of seeing the family far less, or return to corporate America surrounded by my family but hating what I'm doing.

    Leave a comment:


  • Scarlet
    replied
    It just makes me feel like a baby to be annoyed by this. I'm a mature grown up for pete's sake!! OK here goes:

    My immediate manager is turning 40. Her boss, my former immediate manager, is making this huge deal out it. Like, we had a meeting today to discuss it. We're going to think about a day in the office to surprise and think about gifts and what she really likes (she's into rap music apparently) and can we all dress like Run DMC or wear 80s clothes...(since she was born in 1982). And we're thinking about chipping in for a nice gift. Which I have no problem contributing to but I am NOT spending money to buy something stupid to wear in addition. When I turned 50 (which is a bigger milestone than 40) and she was my immediate manager, I got nothing. She got me a little gift, which was fine. I invited my entire team among others in the department to volunteer with me at the Greater Boston Food Bank instead of a party. She didn't come, she didn't conspire with anyone else on the team to make sure some people joined me there (it was one of the coolest things I've done - my entire family came and a bunch of other work peeps not on my team or in my department).

    Now I get completely we're in a different time. I think because none of us have seen each other forever she wants to get us all together which I think is great. But she's going all out and if you don't go all out for the rest of your team, don't do it for one.

    See? Stupid and petty. Why am I so bothered by this???

    Leave a comment:


  • Kepler
    replied
    Originally posted by Scarlet View Post
    It bothers me that it bothers me, if that make sense.
    Perfectly.

    I have spent the better part of the last 22 years explaining patiently to my daughter how only she can give power to toxic people and that the wise thing to do is not to carry them in your head at all, but just to leave them behind.

    And there is a woman at my work who, when she does her crap, it ruins my whole day and makes me both depressed and angry.

    We are just leaky bags of chemicals. Our rationality is a story we tell ourselves later.

    Leave a comment:


  • RaceBoarder
    replied
    Originally posted by Scarlet View Post
    I need to vent a little about a very petty thing that I'm almost embarrassed to be upset about here on my team. It bothers me that it bothers me, if that make sense.
    THat's the purpose of this thread... Just to get stuff out that needs to be let out, no matter how trivial or petty, lol...

    Go off on the fact that the break room vending machine ran out of Crunch bars or whatever =)

    Leave a comment:


  • burd
    replied
    Originally posted by Scarlet View Post
    I need to vent a little about a very petty thing that I'm almost embarrassed to be upset about here on my team. It bothers me that it bothers me, if that make sense.
    You already have me pizzed about your trivial problems, so don't feel alone.

    Leave a comment:


  • MissThundercat
    replied
    Originally posted by Scarlet View Post
    I need to vent a little about a very petty thing that I'm almost embarrassed to be upset about here on my team. It bothers me that it bothers me, if that make sense.
    Go ahead. You don't need permission to vent.

    Leave a comment:


  • MissThundercat
    replied
    Originally posted by MichVandal View Post

    If you are working full time but are being treated as being part time, that's a MASSIVE problem. If they want you as a full time worker, you MUST be treated as a full time employee.

    There was recent CNBC article about the current problem, where it's gotten hard to hire people for jobs- but part of the reason is that companies insist that they stick to part-time workers, to the detriment of the company being able to work. The point is that many of these massive companies have seen big profits due to the decrease of full time employees and their required benefits.
    More like "you're working so much that you're tired, falling asleep on the job, and making silly mistakes. You worked 104 hours last pay period!" and then 5 minutes later, she'll be like "I need you to pick up a shift; I have no one else!"

    Leave a comment:


  • Scarlet
    replied
    I need to vent a little about a very petty thing that I'm almost embarrassed to be upset about here on my team. It bothers me that it bothers me, if that make sense.

    Leave a comment:

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