What The Fark 6: FARK OFF!

[Kepler]

There is a Williams-Sonoma brick and mortar here in Grand Rapids. You think the catalog is pretentious? It's worse in person.

I went into a Hammacher Schlemmer once. Rich people's Target if the Nazis had won the war.

[French Rage]

I'll see both of those and raise you a Restoration Hardware.

[Kepler]

I'll see both of those and raise you a Restoration Hardware.

A Mets sponsor.

I had no idea they were che che; never seen one. There is one in Tysons Corner and another in Scottsdale so that checks.

[St. Clown]

People are lazy and stupid, 2020 Edition.

Kids who will be beaten, deservedly, strictly based on their trendy Disney names:

Boys 2, 5, 7 (as in "My boy's gonna grow up and join Declan"), 9 (Double Jesus), 13, 15.
Girls 3, 7, 8 (Oh for fork's sake), 9, 12, 16 (My god people are lazy and stupid).

I just checked my daughter's name, and it's nowhere to be seen. Right out of the gate she won't be popular. Mission accomplished!

I ran the search, she's well out of the running for any of the popular names. At the same time, when people ask and we tell them her name, every so often we hear, "Oh, such a beautiful name, I have a [fill in relation here] named [name here]! How do you spell it?" That's when I realized there was more than one way to spell the name. But the other ways are all wrong.

[Kepler]

That's when I realized there was more than one way to spell the name. But the other ways are all wrong.

Our daughter's name tells you she was born in the early 90s. It is misspelled.

If I need to explain, her biological father picked the name based on relatives. Dr. Mrs. was under when he gave the name to the hospital and he misspelled it because he is an idiot. She does not have good taste in men (obviously). Neither he nor I are even the worst husband.

[Kepler]

I just checked my daughter's name, and it's nowhere to be seen. Right out of the gate she won't be popular. Mission accomplished!

You've avoided the sorority girl problem, but now you must work hard to make her a surly and neurotic intellectual.

I suggest books. Nothing alienates the bovine mass of normal kids more than intelligence and knowledge.

If she doesn't have a tattoo by 14 you'll know you raised a worthwhile rebel.

[BassAle]

There is a Williams-Sonoma brick and mortar here in Grand Rapids. You think the catalog is pretentious? It's worse in person.

I've shopped at the Willams-Sonoma in Portland, ME once in a while, but I always laugh that there are people dumb enough to pay $12,000 for a coffee maker.

[Kepler]

I've shopped at the Willams-Sonoma in Portland, ME once in a while, but I always laugh that there are people dumb enough to pay $12,000 for a coffee maker.

Please tell me you have had the peppermint bark? Do they have samples?

They physically stock those LOLrich models at the brick and mortar?

I have never been tempted to shoplift. But.

[BassAle]

Do they actually physically stock those models at the brick and mortar?

I have never been tempted to shoplift. But.

They have them on display. I assume if you purchase one they have them in a stockroom out back.

[Kepler]

They have them on display. I assume if you purchase one they have them in a stockroom out back.

One pallet of those and you could buy a house.

[dxmnkd316]

https://twitter.com/mollyjongfast/st...056270337?s=21

what in the actual ****

[Kepler]

https://twitter.com/mollyjongfast/st...056270337?s=21

what in the actual ****

Um.

So, basically, it's Satyricon except from the inside, and parody, or maybe not.

Um.

Listen. As a fan of High Weirdness, I am receptive. And afterwards,

[MissThundercat]

I currently work the Grandville Meijer online pickup. Today, we encountered a customer who wanted 100 boxes of spaghetti and 96 cans of sauce.

My What The F is not so much that she ordered it, but why here, instead of Costco or Sam's Club.

[Kepler]

100 boxes of spaghetti and 96 cans of sauce

She's going to eat 4 meals dry?

[Kepler]

We appear to be entering the Dada phase.