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Dad jokes and Bad jokes. One in the same

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  • Not only funny, but it reminds me of Mark Wahlberg Talks to Farm Animals.

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    • "Will You Marry Me" is a marriage proposal.

      "Will, You, Mary, Me" is a foursome proposal.

      "Will, you marry me" is a prediction from a time traveler.
      Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
      "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
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      • Them: I love writing to do lists!
        Me: I'm a huge fan of fantasy writing!
        Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
        "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
        Patreon for exclusive writing content
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        • Why was it difficult for the Zen monk to vacuum the monastery?
          .
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          He had no attachments.
          Cornell University
          National Champion 1967, 1970
          ECAC Champion 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1973, 1980, 1986, 1996, 1997, 2003, 2005, 2010
          Ivy League Champion 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1977, 1978, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2012, 2014, 2018, 2019, 2020

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          • I walked into a toy store to do some early Christmas shopping and asked the assistant, "Where are the Schwarzenegger dolls?"

            He said: "Aisle B, back."
            "The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." George Orwell, 1984

            "One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its Black Gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume." Boromir

            "Good news! We have a delivery." Professor Farnsworth

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            • A: So your new Christmas song is 8 verses about demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility?

              B: Yeah.

              A: And it's called "We Wish You A Merry Christmas?"

              B: Yeah.

              A: But it's not really about Christmas. It's about figgy-

              B: Figgy pudding, yes.
              Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
              "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
              Patreon for exclusive writing content
              Adventures With Amber Marie

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              • Originally posted by MissThundercat View Post
                A: So your new Christmas song is 8 verses about demanding figgy pudding with increasing hostility?

                B: Yeah.

                A: And it's called "We Wish You A Merry Christmas?"

                B: Yeah.

                A: But it's not really about Christmas. It's about figgy-

                B: Figgy pudding, yes.
                I think I was in high school when I first heard that song beyond the first few lines. It was part of a 45-minute Xmas music loop my employer played. I then had daydreams about the Great Figgy Pudding Riots, and the on-scene officers taking witness statements. Merry Figmas indeed.
                "The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." George Orwell, 1984

                "One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its Black Gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume." Boromir

                "Good news! We have a delivery." Professor Farnsworth

                Comment


                • Three women die in a car accident and reach heaven together.

                  God greets them and says in Heaven there is only one rule - don't step on a duck.

                  As they make their way through the streets of heaven they discover that there are ducks everywhere. Unfortunately the first woman steps on a duck.

                  God comes and chains here to the ugliest man she could ever know. He tells her they will be chained together for eternity.

                  The next day the 2nd woman steps on a duck. God appears to her and chains her to the ugliest man she's ever known.

                  The 3rd woman manages to avoid stepping on any ducks for more than two months. Suddenly without warning God chains her to the most handsome man she's ever known.

                  She asks him what's happening, and he says he's not sure but he just stepped on a duck.

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                  • Oh Christmas tree
                    oh Christmas tree
                    harder Christmas tree
                    "The party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command." George Orwell, 1984

                    "One does not simply walk into Mordor. Its Black Gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the Great Eye is ever watchful. It is a barren wasteland, riddled with fire and ash and dust, the very air you breathe is a poisonous fume." Boromir

                    "Good news! We have a delivery." Professor Farnsworth

                    Comment


                    • Tampax announced they will be removing the string in their products and replacing it with tinsel.

                      It’s just for the Christmas period.
                      Uncle Mickey: July 23, 1950-July 22, 2003

                      WRPI, 91.5 FM...usually color commentary.

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                      • Chronically red nose, can stay up all night, peers find him obnoxious... are you sure Rudolph isn't strung out on cocaine?
                        Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                        "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                        Patreon for exclusive writing content
                        Adventures With Amber Marie

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                        • I went to a psychic and knocked on the door.

                          They yelled "who is it?"

                          So I left.
                          Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                          "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
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                          Adventures With Amber Marie

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                          • Wanna see something NSFW?

                            *walks through construction area without a hard hat*
                            Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                            "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                            Patreon for exclusive writing content
                            Adventures With Amber Marie

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                            • I got to try spearfishing for the first time, and I really enjoyed myself.

                              Everyone else at the YMCA pool seemed pretty horrified though.
                              Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                              "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                              Patreon for exclusive writing content
                              Adventures With Amber Marie

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                              • I got to try spearfishing for the first time, and I really enjoyed myself.

                                Everyone else at the YMCA pool seemed pretty horrified though.
                                Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
                                "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
                                Patreon for exclusive writing content
                                Adventures With Amber Marie

                                Comment

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