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  • How to deal with annoying callers

    I have every phone line I have on "do not call" lists, but I'm still getting them.
    • The call that claims I called for information.
    • The Robot Voice tells me I R S will be filing suit.
    • The nice young man with the Mumbai accented English named "Larry" tells me he's from Windows Support.


    So, how do you deal with them?

    I've tried the epic Tom Mabe approach. I'm not as smooth as him but it was fun.

    I tried my own spin on the Mabe theme one day: Instead of being the cops investigating the scene, I was cleaning up a scene. I told the 'boys' to "roll up the carpet and carry it down and put it in the trunk, but don't let anyone see you, and it's not my fault he's that heavy, just get it out of here. And find the casings." I asked the nice lady if she knew how to get blood stains out of curtains. She had no ideas, and nothing to offer on deodorants to cover the smell of recently released bowels.

    I've wandered the "Windows Support" guy around a while and then asked where the key he was asking me to press was relative to the Apple key on my keyboard. (No, I'm not an Apple guy, but I'll claim to be one to harass those jackwagons. )

    I really PO'd one one day when I told them they were lying to me and that lying is bad for their soul. I'm not sure why that one hit so well.

    Other ideas or techniques to share?
    The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved. <-- Virtue signaling.

    North Dakota Hockey:

  • #2
    Re: How to deal with annoying callers

    I don't answer unless I recognize the number or I'm otherwise expecting a call momentarily.

    If I don't recognize your number, you get declined and arrive at my voicemail. Once you're there, you get one chance to leave me a voicemail succinctly explaining 1) who the eff you are 2) why the eff I should return your call. Better make it a good one. Fail to provide satisfactory answers to both questions, or fail to leave a voicemail, or fail to be a carbon-based lifeform...welcome to my blocked number list.

    The people in my life that need to get a hold of me already know how.

    ETA: More tips:

    - If a call ever asks you to press 1 or 2 or 0 or whatever to speak to a representative, don't do it, hang up. If you do, they know your number leads to a live body and they'll propagate it around.
    - If the call claims to be from your bank or something, hang up and call your bank yourself.
    - The "your car warranty is expiring" guy gets told I own a Bugatti Veyron. Or a 1983 Corvette.
    Last edited by Twitch Boy; 09-13-2016, 06:08 PM.
    Michigan Tech Huskies Pep Band: There's No Use Trying To Talk. No Human Sound Can Stand Up To This. Loud Enough To Knock You Down.

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    • #3
      Re: How to deal with annoying callers

      Originally posted by Twitch Boy View Post
      I don't answer unless I recognize the number or I'm otherwise expecting a call momentarily.
      That's not an option for me. I'm the last link in a technical support chain* that routes calls to my cell. The incoming number isn't corporate but instead the customer needing support.

      *And they wonder why I'm spending extra time training engineers below me in that chain to handle more and more.
      The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved. <-- Virtue signaling.

      North Dakota Hockey:

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      • #4
        Re: How to deal with annoying callers

        https://www.nomorobo.com/
        A bad cause requires many words.

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        • #5
          Re: How to deal with annoying callers

          I got one of the Windows Support boys to call me a f-king c--t once. Then it was my turn, and I wasn't nearly as kind. After that he didn't want to talk. They haven't called back since.

          As for the Motor Vehicle Warranty Department, I told them that my 3-year old car had 144,000 miles on it, and that I lived down the street from a Toyota dealership. I should have told them I owned a 1996 Jeep Wrangler and let them figure it out.

          I also had a Dish Network phone jockey ask me what I liked to watch on TV. My reply: "Porn". "Oh, that's great....wait, what?" "Yup. Got one on right now. Want to come over?" "Ummm..errrr...uhhh...."*click*. For some reason he didn't want to talk after that one, either.
          FERRIS STATE UNIVERSITY: 2012 FROZEN FOUR


          God, that was fun...

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          • #6
            Re: How to deal with annoying callers

            Originally posted by Hammer View Post
            I should have told them I owned a 1996 Jeep Wrangler and let them figure it out.
            I assume it's parked by your 1983 Corvette.
            The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved. <-- Virtue signaling.

            North Dakota Hockey:

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            • #7
              Re: How to deal with annoying callers

              Originally posted by The Sicatoka View Post
              I assume it's parked by your 1983 Corvette.
              Actually, it's over by the 1998 Miata.
              Michigan Tech Huskies Pep Band: There's No Use Trying To Talk. No Human Sound Can Stand Up To This. Loud Enough To Knock You Down.

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              • #8
                Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                My parents were having problems with calls on their landline for a while. So when my mom sees a mystery number she answered the phone with "Hola!" and an appropriate accent. If it's a human she doesn't want to deal with, she will just repeat "No Ingl├ęs!" several times. Usually realizing they won't get anywhere the caller will hang up.

                That's a "humane" solution, although I choose to come up with the most racist and/or perverted thing I can think up. Robot calls are killing the fun though
                It's never too early to start the Pre-game festivities

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                • #9
                  Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                  "I tank you for calling. Kindly do the needful in adding me to your 'Do Not Call' registry."

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                  • #10
                    Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                    I have not tried this one, but I like the idea of asking them for their bank routing number and bank account number so that I can wire them the money.

                    Alternately, hold the phone slightly away from my mouth and whisper loud enough to be heard, "are you able to trace where this call came from yet?? how long do I need to stall them?"
                    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

                    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

                    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

                    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

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                    • #11
                      Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                      Originally posted by The Sicatoka View Post
                      Other ideas or techniques to share?
                      Be friendly and very politely tell them you will be right back and put them on hold. Typically they'll drop the line after 5 seconds (the Indian call centers will drop it instantly, they have a protocol) but sometimes they will hold. The operators are just work-a-day schmoes stuck with an awful job while looking for something better. Their metrics look better when their time connected goes up, so the smart ones will let the line stay open almost indefinitely to juice their numbers. But the sales per minute of the call center itself will plummet, causing the company to lose money and ever so slightly reducing the efficiency of the entire industry.

                      If enough people did it we would drive them all out of business.
                      Cornell University
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                      • #12
                        Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                        mookie always tells them that the person can't come to the phone cause they currently svcking his kok
                        a legend and an out of work bum look a lot alike, daddy.

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                        • #13
                          Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                          Originally posted by mookie1995 View Post
                          mookie always tells them that the person can't come to the phone cause they currently svcking his kok
                          "I love wrong numbers."
                          Cornell University
                          National Champion 1967, 1970
                          ECAC Champion 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1973, 1980, 1986, 1996, 1997, 2003, 2005, 2010
                          Ivy League Champion 1966, 1967, 1968, 1969, 1970, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1977, 1978, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1996, 1997, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2012, 2014, 2018, 2019, 2020

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                          • #14
                            Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                            The Windows support guys are my favorite. I have two different responses that I use. The first is to just argue with the guy about not having any windows in my computer. I have windows in my house. I have windows in my garage. I have windows in my truck. I have windows in my car. I have no windows in my computer, and frankly I think this guy is crazy for thinking that.

                            The second one is to claim that I have four different computers in the house, I need to have him identify which one it is.

                            With the IRS guys, I like to just give them a made up credit card number. Sometimes I'll give them a number that has too many digits. I'll just keep making up digits until they stop me. Other times I'll give them a 16 digit Visa card number. In both instances they'll usually tell me the number didn't work, in which case I respond, "Here, let me make up another one and we'll try that."

                            If my wife is watching a truly terrible show on tv, I have tried Kep's method of just putting the phone down, usually next to the tv speaker.

                            I also used to believe that I should feel a little sorry for these people, but I got over that. Sure they're just schmoes trying to make a living until something better comes along, but they aren't stupid. Pretty sure they know they don't work for the IRS. They deserve every bit of aggravation we can heap on them.

                            As a funny aside, I know our local sheriff. One of the IRS guys called our sheriff with their scam, and of course used the old line that the local sheriff will be out any moment to take him to jail if he doesn't pay immediately. Yep, pretty sure that isn't going to happen.

                            Personally, when they make that threat to me, my response is usually, "hey, is it Tuesday? Tuesday is spaghetti night at the jail."
                            That community is already in the process of dissolution where each man begins to eye his neighbor as a possible enemy, where non-conformity with the accepted creed, political as well as religious, is a mark of disaffection; where denunciation, without specification or backing, takes the place of evidence; where orthodoxy chokes freedom of dissent; where faith in the eventual supremacy of reason has become so timid that we dare not enter our convictions in the open lists, to win or lose.

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                            • #15
                              Re: How to deal with annoying callers

                              Someone told me to ask the "Windows Support" guys how long they've worked for Microsoft. (They don't, obviously.)

                              I have the perfect credit card number to use: 867 5309 634 5789
                              (Let's see who figures those out.)
                              The preceding post may contain trigger words and is not safe-space approved. <-- Virtue signaling.

                              North Dakota Hockey:

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