Really Terrible Puns, v 10

[MissThundercat]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

I went to a disco bar, and they weren't playing any 1970's music. At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

The church organist was complaining, "someone got dirt all over my Bach music."

the choir director replied, "so, Wachet Auf."

[MissThundercat]

My dog is so sad today; he's a little melon collie.

[MissThundercat]

What currency do they use in outer space?

Starbucks

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

Describe yourself in three words:

"Have trouble following instructions."

[MissThundercat]

When a Christian skips church, we call it a Christian Bale.

[MissThundercat]

If you put a hard hat up to your ear, you can hear the OSHA.

[MissThundercat]

Rest in peace, boiled water. You will be mist.

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

From today's Remy Report on FB

Yesterday I went to the Cambridge cemetery to visit the gravesite of my recently departed cousin. She was a great person.

As I was walking back toward my car I noticed a man kneeling at a grave. He was rocking back and forth, crying bitterly as he prayed.

Even sadder, he kept saying over and over, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

It was such a striking scene that I went over to him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with you grief, but this demonstration of anguish is more than I've ever seen. Who is it you mourn for so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The man took a moment, then looked at me with tears rolling down his checks and replied, "My wife's first husband."

[MissThundercat]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

A: Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?
B: I really don't.
A: That's the spirit.

[MissThundercat]

Will glass coffins work?

Remains to be seen.

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

Could not figure where to put this,but since it is Monty Python...

Fans of The Ministry of Silly Walks sketch should know that you can 'Silly Walk' whenever you like yourself via the official 'Ministry of Silly Walks' app!

If, like me, the state of your knees prevents you from doing these very silly manoeuvres in real life, then this really is the next best thing.

Also applicable to young people who can't be bothered to go outside, and would prefer silly walking via their armchair.

Download links below:

iOS - https://itunes.apple.com/app/monty-p...ly/id883997728

Android - https://play.google.com/store/apps/d...ios.sillywalks

[FreshFish]

Re: Really Terrible Puns, v 10

You may not recognize all of these very famous people when you hear their full names....

Benjamin Dover
Catherine Mandu
Philip Ayshow
Constance Lingus
Dorothy Comm
William Payor

.....