Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

[Dude Love]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Three blondes walked into a bar...the fourth one ducked.

One night at work a couple years ago, someone was having problems getting his computer to work. As he's freaking out, this exchange happens...

Person A: Did you check the buttfor?
Person B: Yeah! I checked it!!
That exchange went on for quite a while until Person B finally asks...
Person B: What's the buttfor?
Person A: It's for pooping!!!

[gounhwildcats]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A snail walks into a car dealership, and a salesman approaches him. He says to the snail "can I help you out?" The snail says "yes, I'd like to buy the fastest car on the lot, and then I'd like you to paint a giant S on the hood of the car." The salesman says, "Ok, that shouldn't be a problem, but why do you want me to paint a giant S on the hood?" And the snail says "Because I want to drive real fast and when people see me I want them to say 'Look at that S car go!!"

[joecct]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

How's the veal??

[pirate]

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

A: The elephino!

What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?



Walk him and pitch to the giraffe

[skyraider0609]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Quasimodo, the hunch backed bell ringer at the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, had a problem. The rope he had to pull to ring the bells broke one day leaving him wondering how he was going to perform his duty. Knowing the bells had to ring, in a moment of self sacrifice, Quasimodo climbed to the belfry and at the moment the bells were to strike, he runs headlong across the belfry smashing his face into the side of the bell and the sound of the great cathedral's bell sounds over the city. Dazed, he runs back and flings himself in to the bell over and over again. Quasimodo, now dizzy and bloody, makes one more run at the bell but misses and plunges over the side of the belfry, falling to his death. A horrified crowd gathers around his broken and twisted body, murmuring and pointing. One shaken onlooker asks, "Who is that poor, wretched man?" Someone else answers, "I don't know, but his face does ring a bell."

[aparch]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

"... was born in Moosejaw."
"Where is Moosejaw?"
"About six feet from the moose's butt."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMP4tiXD4vU

[The Rube]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A dog walks into a bank, wanting to borrow some money. He meets with his favorite teller, Patricia Black. He explains the situation, and she asks for collateral. He offers up this small unicorn statuette. Patricia isn't sure about it, so she calls her supervisor over. He hears the situation, and says, "That's a knick-knack Patty Black, give the dog a loan."

[gounhwildcats]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Quasimodo, the hunch backed bell ringer at the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, had a problem. The rope he had to pull to ring the bells broke one day leaving him wondering how he was going to perform his duty. Knowing the bells had to ring, in a moment of self sacrifice, Quasimodo climbed to the belfry and at the moment the bells were to strike, he runs headlong across the belfry smashing his face into the side of the bell and the sound of the great cathedral's bell sounds over the city. Dazed, he runs back and flings himself in to the bell over and over again. Quasimodo, now dizzy and bloody, makes one more run at the bell but misses and plunges over the side of the belfry, falling to his death. A horrified crowd gathers around his broken and twisted body, murmuring and pointing. One shaken onlooker asks, "Who is that poor, wretched man?" Someone else answers, "I don't know, but his face does ring a bell."

Thanks for that. I heard this joke when I was a kid, and always found it hilarious but could never quite remember how it went.

[LynahFan]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

So Bill the Crab passes away and goes to heaven. St. Peter issues him his harp and everything is going great. After a while, though, he really starts to miss his friends back in the ocean, so he asks St. Peter if there's any way he could go see them. St. Peter says, "of course - you can go back to earth any time you want. Just be sure not to lose your harp because you can't get back into heaven without it." So Bill goes down to earth and visits his friend Sam the Clam who runs a dance club. They have a great night, partying it up, but finally Bill says he needs to return to heaven. As he nears the pearly gates, though, he slaps himself on the forehead and cries "Oh, no! I left my harp in Sam Clam's disco!"

[SteveP]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

[Hammer]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

A little boy was out Trick-Or-Treating, dressed as a pirate. At one house, one old lady looked at him and said, "Wow, son, what are you dressed like?"

The boy replied, "I'm dressed as a pirate!".

She then asked "Well, where are your buccaneers?".

He thought for a minuted and answered "Right under my buccan hat!"

[gounhwildcats]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Two Chinese guys are at the office speaking to each other in Mandarin. A third person walks by and overhears their conversation and says "Ok, that will be enough of that language".

[huskyfan]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

a dyslexic man walks into a bra ...

[MUnRPI]

Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was a salted

[aparch]

Thanks for that. I heard this joke when I was a kid, and always found it hilarious but could never quite remember how it went.

To continue the joke, upon seeing the death, Quasimodo's brother rushes up the bell tower to carry on the bell ringing. When he gets to to the top, he slips and falls to his death also.

The townsfolk gather around the brother, confused.
"Who is he?" asked one villager.
"I don't know," replied another, "but he's a dead ringer for Quasimodo."