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Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

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  • Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

    As I Love Lucy was to television comedy, so is our inaugural pun to our thread title:



    Q: When is a door not a door?

    A: When it is ajar.


    "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

    "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

    "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

    "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

  • #2
    Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

    Q: did you hear about the evil tuna?

    A: He was rotten to the albacore.
    Facebook: bcowles920 Instagram: missthundercat01
    "One word frees us from the weight and pain of this life. That word is love."- Socrates
    Patreon for exclusive writing content
    Adventures With Amber Marie

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    • #3
      Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

      Obligatory:

      http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=puns
      Never really developed a taste for tequila. Kind of hard to understand how you make a drink out of something that sharp, inhospitable. Now, bourbon is easy to understand.
      Tastes like a warm summer day. -Raylan Givens

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      • #4
        Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

        beer
        I swear there ain't no heaven but I pray there ain't no hell.

        Maine Hockey Love it or Leave it

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

          A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says "What is this, a joke?"
          Michigan Tech Huskies Pep Band: There's No Use Trying To Talk. No Human Sound Can Stand Up To This. Loud Enough To Knock You Down.

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

            Originally posted by Brenthoven View Post
            Man, your paranomasia is showing
            "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

            "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

            "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

            "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

              A person with one eye can see more than a person with two eyes can see.

              The person with the one eye can see the other person's two eyes, whereas the person with the two eyes can only see the other person's one.

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              • #8
                Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                Ya, this is all very punny.
                Let's go Cats!!!

                Philadelphia Phillies Well there's always next year

                2007 ECAC East-NESCAC LPS Champ!!
                2009 ECACHL Pick 'em champ!!

                "All the miseries and evils which men suffer from vice, crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery and war, proceed from their despising or neglecting the precepts contained in the Bible." [Noah Webster. History. p. 339]

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                • #9
                  Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                  Geology rocks.
                  the state of hockey is good

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                    I met a guy who works in a theatre, and he said that he calls the lights. So, I asked him, "What do you call the lights?" He didn't know, and so I helped him out: "Bulbs." I then asked him, "What happens if the lights don't come when you call them?" He didn't know, and so I helped him out: "Long time, no see."

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                    • #11
                      Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                      I remember the first pun I ever heard, courtesy of my pun-obsessed father, who had just thrown an apple core into the bushes.

                      Me (age 6): Dad, you shouldn't litter.
                      Dad: Don't worry. A henway will get it.
                      Me: What's a henway?
                      Dad: About 3 pounds.
                      If you don't change the world today, how can it be any better tomorrow?

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                      • #12
                        Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                        Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

                        A: The elephino!
                        U-A-A!!!Go!Go!GreenandGold!
                        Applejack Tells You How UAA Is Doing...
                        I spell Failure with UAF

                        Originally posted by UAFIceAngel
                        But let's be real...There are 40 some other teams and only two alaskan teams...the day one of us wins something big will be the day I transfer to UAA
                        Originally posted by Doyle Woody
                        Best sign by a visting Seawolf fan Friday went to a young man who held up a piece of white poster board that read: "YOU CAN'T SPELL FAILURE WITHOUT UAF."

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                        • #13
                          Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                          Two drums and a cymbal fall down a flight of stairs.

                          Ba-dum tssh.
                          Michigan Tech Huskies Pep Band: There's No Use Trying To Talk. No Human Sound Can Stand Up To This. Loud Enough To Knock You Down.

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                          • #14
                            Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                            What's a hindu?

                            Lays eggs.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Re: Really Terrible Puns Vol 1

                              One winter evening, a tremendous blizzard hit the native American reservation. Snow was piled in huge drifts everywhere, so much so that people could not even leave their homes for days.

                              Nine months later, the reservation maternity ward was full to overflowing. They never had so many women about to deliver at the same time. All beds were full, so they started taking out futons, and to keep the mothers about to give birth warm and comfortable, they scrounged around looking for animal skins to cover the futon. They found a bison skin, and prepared a snug delivery place for one, they found a deer skin, and prepared a snug delivery place for another.

                              Finally, the last woman on the reservation about to give birth came to the clinic. They looked everywhere for an animal skin. Just then, one of the attendants remembered that a traveling zoo had passed their way a few years ago, and an old hippopotamus had died. The circus owner and the tribal leader worked something out, and eventually the tribe had a fine hippopotamus skin, which they were able to find and spread out to make a fine place to deliver a baby.

                              Well, dawn finally arrived. During the night, the first two women each gave birth to a fine healthy boy, and the last woman gave birth to twin baby boys.

                              One of many different ways to prove once again, that the sons of the squaw of the hippopatomus are equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
                              Last edited by FreshFish; 02-04-2012, 01:46 PM.
                              "Hope is a good thing; maybe the best of things."

                              "Beer is a sign that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Benjamin Franklin

                              "Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods of joy." -- W. B. Yeats

                              "People generally are most impatient with those flaws in others about which they are most ashamed of in themselves." - folk wisdom

                              Comment

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