Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

[Kepler]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Kep was born in the 60s, he's old-school like my dad born in 1957 who still has no problem casually saying the n-word in private conversation.

Even in private I never refer to "New England."

[MissThundercat]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

So my best friend and Platonic Lifemate is a 67 year old trans woman. One of my Mom friends wondered why we haven't asked each other out yet. And I don't know; part of it is I don't want to ruin that relationship.

[Kepler]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

So my best friend and Platonic Lifemate is a 67 year old trans woman. One of my Mom friends wondered why we haven't asked each other out yet. And I don't know; part of it is I don't want to ruin that relationship.

Don't mess with it. A friend is infinitely more precious than a lover.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Don't mess with it. A friend is infinitely more precious than a lover.

On that note, I don't want to move in with her either, knowing sharing a living space could mess that relationship up too.

[Kepler]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

On that note, I don't want to move in with her either, knowing sharing a living space could mess that relationship up too.

While it could, I would not give up on a potentially great living arrangement with your best friend. You are both grown women. I believe you can flourish as long as you both have the same understanding going in.

[The Rube]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Don't mess with it. A friend is infinitely more precious than a lover.

1000x over. But that also does not rule out being a roommate.

[dxmnkd316]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

If it’s meant to be, it’s worth it**

I married my oldest friend’s sister in law. I know that’s kind of a stretch, but her and her sister were extremely close. One reason I was scared to ask her out was because I would be wagering my oldest friendship on our success. When you find that person, you’ll know. While I agree, a friend is a million times more precious than a lover, a partner is a million times better than that**.

On the roommate front, it’s weird. When a couple friends of mine got married back in 2011/2012, my old roommate and I had an adversarial relationship. Decided to gamble on living together, which is probably an insane idea, and she ended up staying for seven or eight years. We became better friends because of it. I made a few bucks and she got a great deal on rent.

Conventional wisdom is probably right in the end, but to hell with it. Life is too short to not take chances. (I say that knowing I might have been the wide exception in both scenarios, so take this advice with that in mind.).

**Also, don’t derive your self worth from success in romantic relationships or even whether you want to date. There is nothing in life that isn’t entirely a human construct that says we have to derive happiness from that. Happiness is defined within not a measure of someone else’s standards. Someone else very rarely has your best interest in mind.

We get one chance at life on this stupid rock, make it count for you.

[St. Clown]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

While it could, I would not give up on a potentially great living arrangement with your best friend. You are both grown women. I believe you can flourish as long as you both have the same understanding going in.

Caveat: set boundaries, expectations and rules up front. It could be a hard conversation, but worth it in the end.

[The Rube]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

If it’s meant to be, it’s worth it**

I married my oldest friend’s sister in law. I know that’s kind of a stretch, but her and her sister were extremely close. One reason I was scared to ask her out was because I would be wagering my oldest friendship on our success. When you find that person, you’ll know. While I agree, a friend is a million times more precious than a lover, a partner is a million times better than that**.

On the roommate front, it’s weird. When a couple friends of mine got married back in 2011/2012, my old roommate and I had an adversarial relationship. Decided to gamble on living together, which is probably an insane idea, and she ended up staying for seven or eight years. We became better friends because of it. I made a few bucks and she got a great deal on rent.

Conventional wisdom is probably right in the end, but to hell with it. Life is too short to not take chances. (I say that knowing I might have been the wide exception in both scenarios, so take this advice with that in mind.).

**Also, don’t derive your self worth from success in romantic relationships or even whether you want to date. There is nothing in life that isn’t entirely a human construct that says we have to derive happiness from that. Happiness is defined within not a measure of someone else’s standards. Someone else very rarely has your best interest in mind.

We get one chance at life on this stupid rock, make it count for you.

I have given the bolded advice to my brother. Twice (he is a sadly a widower, younger than me). First wife, he was at sea. As a widower, w/kids...how to proceed with the new woman, now fiancee.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

I talked to Shelby last night; she and I will keep it platonic. However, for being platonic, we know how to be intimate with each other. Lots of hand holding, snuggling, warm and tight hugs; the only thing we don't do is kiss each other. One night, we were at a friend's house, and I fell asleep on her boob. Everyone told me I was comfortable that night!

[SJHovey]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

I tend to agree with dx that you have to take a chance in life.

There is no question that if you and a close friend decide to take it further, and it doesn't work, most of the time the relationship becomes at best awkward. The friendship can never be the same, although it is possible to still remain friends.

But close friendships change. If I listed my 20 closest friends today, I maybe knew three of them 30 years ago. I had a very close friend in college and we decided to take it further. It ended badly. But I don't regret it for one minute. I have very little connection with any of my closest friends from college, getting together with no more than a couple of them maybe once or twice a year.

Personally, I think that if you feel strongly about someone but don't take the next step because you're afraid of losing that friendship, you're much more likely to regret that later and wonder what might have been. Just my two cents.

[The Rube]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

I tend to agree with dx that you have to take a chance in life.

There is no question that if you and a close friend decide to take it further, and it doesn't work, most of the time the relationship becomes at best awkward. The friendship can never be the same, although it is possible to still remain friends.

But close friendships change. If I listed my 20 closest friends today, I maybe knew three of them 30 years ago. I had a very close friend in college and we decided to take it further. It ended badly. But I don't regret it for one minute. I have very little connection with any of my closest friends from college, getting together with no more than a couple of them maybe once or twice a year.

Personally, I think that if you feel strongly about someone but don't take the next step because you're afraid of losing that friendship, you're much more likely to regret that later and wonder what might have been. Just my two cents.

My ratio on the highlighted is a little higher, but it's still drastically different. I'd say my closest friend now, I've "only" known for about 14 years, give or take, and we were only loose acquaintances for the first few years.

Edit: I did find out what happens when you escalate a relationship with a close friend into a romantic relationship. It didn't end up very well, except for one thing. I'll leave it at that.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

My ratio on the highlighted is a little higher, but it's still drastically different. I'd say my closest friend now, I've "only" known for about 14 years, give or take, and we were only loose acquaintances for the first few years.

Edit: I did find out what happens when you escalate a relationship with a close friend into a romantic relationship. It didn't end up very well, except for one thing. I'll leave it at that.

With Shelby, she's my Strictly Platonic Lifemate, and we agreed last night to keep it that way. Besides, I'm talking with a woman closer to my age and I think I have a chance there.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Also, Shelby is 66.5 years old. I am 38.6. We do not want a May-December relationship. And we talked tonight that she and I will remain Best Friends and Strictly Platonic Lifemates.

And here's the thing: I want intimacy and affection in a relationship. Hold my hand, snuggle with me, run your fingers through my hair. Make me feel warm and safe. In my experience, I've found women actually want that. Not so much with men.

[MissThundercat]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

I'm talking with a nice younger woman on OK Cupid. She loves the fact I'm in grad school, she loves the fact I like to bake, and she likes the fact I do yoga. She's also inspired me to take a road trip across the state of Michigan, using the back roads. When things are "normal" (whatever the hell that looks like), I'm hoping to sit down with her for Thai food and to watch the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.