Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

[collegehcky2]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Just approach her and ask if she'd like to grab a drink or dinner sometime. Worst thing she can do is say no.

[bigmrg74]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Don't dip your pen in the company inkwell.

agreed. Probably better off seeing if she has a sister. If there's an office relationship, and then a breakup, it could be ugly for the both of you.

[bigblue_dl]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

And don't listen to bbdl - he puts his company card in bar whores' bras.

You say that like its a bad thing

[SJHovey]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Long post, kinda rambling. You've been warned.

OK, so there's a new girl at work that I'm interested in, but I'm having some issues with getting to know her. My friends at work are being particularly unhelpful with giving me advice, so I figured I'd see if you guys have any input.

She's been working there about a month now, in reception. I work downstairs, and we have very little direct work interaction. A couple of paperwork exchanges a week, and she transfers calls to us, and that's pretty much it. Any other chances to get to talk to her are pretty much just in passing around the store on our own business, usually me walking past her desk, which I do on average maybe 2 or 3 times a day, sometimes not at all. And, more often than not, she's busy talking to somebody, on the phone, or just not at her desk. None of this makes it very easy to get any conversation going. Her job's pretty relaxed when she's not busy talking to somebody, so I'm not worried about causing any problems by talking to her, I just don't really get many chances to do so. And even when I do... well, I kinda suck at breaking the ice, making small-talk, all that. So the "conversations" are usually REALLY short, along the lines of a friendly hi/hey/what's up/how's it going, and an appropriate response.

I FINALLY thought I had an opportunity to break the ice and get some back-and-forth conversation going this Monday, as I'd heard she went out of town for the weekend. I figured that I'd start with something low-key and ask if she'd had a good weekend, or something along those lines, and give her a chance to answer back with whatever she'd been doing, and see if I could take it from there. Unfortunately, I only went by her desk twice that day, once she wasn't even there, and the other time she had to answer a call just as I was coming around the corner, so I never even got to say hi that day, so that opportunity is effectively gone. Yeah, I know I could try the same thing next weekend, but I just knew for a fact she was doing something out of the ordinary this weekend, which should give a better chance of a conversation starting.

I don't really think I've scared her off or anything. In fact, she seems to be warming up to me slightly. Shortly after she started, she seemed a little standoffish, usually just giving me a quick, polite smile (maybe with a quiet "hi") and then quickly looking away, and that would be it. At the same time, I was really not at all comfortable talking with her, usually matter-of-factly rushed through whatever work-related conversation we had, and whether I showed it or not, I felt kinda flustered. Since then, I've tried slowing it down, opening with a smile, and am generally more comfortable, and she seems to be reciprocating. The other day I was messing with my bike after I got there in the morning, and she had just pulled in, but I didn't notice she was there. From across the parking lot, she called out a good morning to me, and waved. So, I'm hoping it's not too late for me to try to get something going.

I just can't for the life of me figure out HOW to get more, better chances to talk to her, or at least make the chances I do get more productive. I'd like to get to the point where I could just go up on my lunch and BS with her for a few minutes, just because I want to and not because work gives me the chance, without it feeling awkward or forced. But to do that, I need to get a better comfort level between us, and effectively break the ice. She's even given a couple chances, intentional or not, but I just choke in the moment. Case in point, a little while back she came down with some paperwork, when my favorite band of all time was on the radio. She hung out for 10-15 seconds or so, and then told me she was jealous, because we got to listen to good music down there. A prime chance to answer back with SOMETHING, but I couldn't think of anything to say until just after she'd left

Sorry if this is a bit rambly or disjointed. It's late and I need to get to sleep, but I wanted to get this off my chest. If anybody has any advice, suggestions, input, whatever, I'd REALLY appreciate it. I really don't know if this has much of a chance of going anywhere, but it's actually pretty rare that I have this much of an interest in someone beyond "wow, she's cute", and I just have a feeling that she's gonna be one of those few girls that I'm really gonna regret if I don't try to do something.

First, don't listen to people who say avoid potential relationships with persons with whom you work. The workplace is one of the tried and true locations where many permanent, good relationships are formed. Either at or through work is probably the most reliable and likely source of meeting your prospective spouse or significant other.

However, there are rules, and you need to follow them closely.

First, my advice is to stop trying to break the ice, or strike up some sort of bond with her at work. That's what neither of you are being paid to do, and it creates a chance that you will make her feel very uncomfortable, or concerned she will get caught by her supervisor gabbing with you when she should be working.

Instead, try to get involved in company related activities that happen outside the workplace. Happy hours, company picnics, softball or broomball teams, office parties, etc..., are much better opportunities to just socialize with your co-workers and "break the ice" as you put it.

Nothing prevents you from being the organizer. If you have any friends, single or otherwise, with whom you work, suggest gathering at a local watering hole after work on a Friday, and see that she and others at work get invited. She'll feel like there is safety in numbers, and even if nothing works out with this girl, you might make some new friends or hook up with another girl through one of your co-workers. Encourage the married people of your age group at work to invite their spouses. Through co-workers wives is a great opportunity to break the ice with girls like this, or gain some intel on her interest in you.

Next rule is "no means no." At work, more than anyplace else, if you don't get some immediate interest from her, back off. If she even begins to feel like you are stalking her by approaching her desk or sending her emails, or pursuing her too heavily, she will complain. It is vitally important that you act in the most professional way possible.

Good luck.

[Bakunin]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

You say that like its a bad thing

It's a bad thing until it works (since your VM was programmed by MNS, the tactic has not officially worked).

[AKJD]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

A few points regarding the whole "company ink" argument.

First off, I'm not even talking about getting to that point right now. Like I said, there's a whole host of reasons it might not even get there. Right now, I just want to get to know her. I have quite literally zero female friends at the moment, so even if that's as far it goes, that's better than nothing.

The company culture is also conducive towards it. Heck, one of the top people in the entire company is married to someone at work, and they met back when the two of them were in quite similar positions within the company as we are now. And aside from that situation, there's been several other instances of people getting "involved" with each other, some with a high potential for the whole sordid details gossip situation, and it didn't go that way. The only reason I know as much as I do about one of them, is because I'm good friends with one of the involved parties, and regularly have to work with the other. If THAT situation didn't end up causing issues, I'm really not worried about this one.

Finally, almost my entire social circle involves people from work, so meeting new people is kinda limited. It's kinda a take-what-you-can-get situation in that regard. The last time I was this interested in getting to know somebody, I hesitated because of something quite along the lines of the company ink thing, and to this day I regret not acting on it.

Anyway, if things do go well and it looks like it could go further, then I'll give the whole thing some careful thought. But at this point, this is where things stand in that regard.

I may try the whole junk-texting approach though. I mean really, how could that go wrong?

[bigblue_dl]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Finally, almost my entire social circle involves people from work, so meeting new people is kinda limited. It's kinda a take-what-you-can-get situation in that regard. The last time I was this interested in getting to know somebody, I hesitated because of something quite along the lines of the company ink thing, and to this day I regret not acting on it.

Well, in this case, the answer is easy. Your social circle already involves people from work. So I'm guessing that you already go out with work friends, or all go to this event or meet up for drinks on a Saturday night, etc. Next time there is an opportunity, just say "hey we're all going to go out for drinks after work today(friday), if you're interested, you're welcome to join us." Done.

[MinnesotaNorthStar]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Don't listen to Goldy, he doesn't know what he's talking about.

Start texting her pictures of your junk. It'll turn her on and you'll be in.

Worked for BrettFavre....

[jmh]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Worked for BrettFavre....

No it didn't.

[Almington]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

I'm back. Who moved my comfy chair?

[FlagDUDE08]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

I'm back. Who moved my comfy chair?

Oh, this chair is yours?

[Almington]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Oh, this chair is yours?

Yes, didn't you the reserved tag I left behind?

Can I please find a female who doesn't have daddy issues?

[bigblue_dl]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

Yes, didn't you the reserved tag I left behind?

Can I please find a female who doesn't have daddy issues?

I like the ones with daddy issues, they're more apt to let you put it in the pooper.

[unh_hockey]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

AKJD:

I understand the pain of working with a limited social circle, but going after women at work poses a lot of risks - are you sure you'd want to risk unemployment for some tail? Remember, a failed advance outside of work means nothing...at work it means being awkward and chatter. This type of drama is inevitable and can really add complications to your life. Remember, women talk to other women so just because she doesn't work with you doesn't mean another co workers won't hear stuff which can in turn be closer to where you work.

That said, proceed with caution if you want to move forward.

The first step to getting a girls attention is to be somewhat popular. Hate to say it, but its like in high school. If you don't have a decent social circle and a life outside of work, you'll make things more difficult for yourself. If the chick at work sees you are an overall pretty legit guy who makes friends and can hold conversations, she'll be interested a little. From there its up to you to get good at conversation that leaves her wanting more. Stay away from boring crap and get her emotionally interested. You can always tell a chick who is uninterested who responds flat/ monotone vs a women who is interested who gives you the puppy dog eyes, asks questions, keeps the conversation going. Once you got that, say this,

' I am going to ( Me and some friends are going to) ____, you should come along'

I don't use pickup lines or **** like that, but this is the #1 piece of ammo which has gotten me more dates that I care to admit. Basically it says that you are doing something and that she is invited to participate. What it does is not place the burden of plans based on her. It shows you take initiative. Lastly it shows you got a life.

[state of hockey]

Re: Singles Part 14: Come Get Some!

So it seems as though a few of my friends are trying to set me up with a girl one of my friends works with. Not a big fan of such things. Then they showed me pictures of her and I decided to not tell them to stop.